It’s January—that time of year when people resolve to cut junk food, get fitter, drink less, sever ties with toxic friends, and just be happier. This is when motivation peaks, and the self-help industry kicks into overdrive, selling promises of transformation to anyone willing to listen. It’s as predictable as the calendar changing from December 31 to January 1.
But by February, most of those resolutions have faltered, and it’s easy to see why. The self-help industry thrives on this cycle and creates a culture that keeps people endlessly chasing change. I see it every day: People looking for the next trend or technique to “fix” their lives. Yet they often find themselves stuck in an endless loop of (unhelpful) advice and diagnoses. These frequently revolve around overused terms like “narcissist” or “gaslighting.” These terms, once used to describe specific behaviors, are now often thrown around to label and stigmatize people, turning complex issues into simplistic labels that offer no real path forward. This endless therapy is a pattern I discussed in my New York Times piece, “In Therapy Forever? Enough Already.” Just as some therapists foster dependence, the self-help industry can trap people in cycles of jargon and labels rather than helping them move forward.
The self-help industry and social media all too often sell quick fixes that don’t really address underlying causes of issues such as anxiety, depression, or dissatisfaction with life. Instead, temporary, in-the-moment type suggestions are made such as “breathe” or “count to ten”. Furthermore, people are frequently told that their problems are caused by external factors or others, never acknowledging that what’s happening might stem from their own actions—or inactions. By focusing on everyone around you, instead of looking inward, real change may never happen.
Every year, I watch as people are seduced by the allure of New Year’s and fall for the industry’s shiny promises: a new you, a richer you, a fitter you. The books, apps, social media influencers, and so-called “self-help gurus” all claim to hold the key to a better life. The message is always the same: You’re not enough, but this will fix you. Most of these tools offer little more than generic, one-size-fits-all solutions. They’re not designed to address your specific circumstances; they’re designed to sell.
Resolutions are often big, vague declarations— “I’m going to get fit” or “I’m going to be happier”—that reflect what society tells us we should want, not what we need. Social media only perpetuates this and floods us with curated images of success and “expert” advice that rarely acknowledges the realities of life. The result is a cycle of frustration that most people experience by February. This approach isn’t helpful and at best keeps people dependent.
I’ve written about this endless pursuit of self-help in my forthcoming book, exploring how it traps people in an unhealthy cycle. True change isn’t about chasing trends or relying solely on affirmation from therapists and others—it’s about being honest with yourself, identifying what truly matters, and taking actionable steps toward it.
January is a powerful time for change, and I’m not discounting that. But it’s also when the self-help industry is at its most opportunistic. So, if you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, it might be worth asking: Are the tools you’re using and the advice you’re getting truly helping, or are they just keeping you stuck and feeling trapped?