How to find it and own it
“When I lose 20 pounds I’ll be happier.”
“When I make six figures I’ll have made it.”
“When I can buy my dream car and my dream house then I’ll know I’m a success.”
I grew up with messages like these.
As a kid and a teenager self-worth in my world equated to keeping up with the Joneses. It was about the external things. Which meant that the more you had the better you were as a person.
While I don’t think those were the messages the adults in my world intended to give, that is what they modeled. And since it was all I knew, I chased the external.
I chased it down like a lion chases its prey.
THE PRICE
No matter how much I “caught” I never felt it was enough. The bottom line, chasing the external cost me a lot (i.e. my identity, my energy, my heart) and got me no closer to feeling worthy and good about me.
And then the penny FINALLY dropped…
You can’t put a price tag on self-worth. It’s not something you chase. And it’s certainly not something you can buy off the Internet or in a swanky store. It has nothing to do with what you own, how you look, how much money you make, or your job title.
Self-worth is and has always been an inside job.
HOW TO OWN IT
Owning our own self-worth is a process. It’s one that takes time, awareness, effort, and a willingness to want to own it. With that said, I’d like to offer the following things that have helped me to own mine, but with a caveat.
These are things that I’ve used; they aren’t the only ways that work and just because they’ve worked for me that doesn’t mean that they have to work for you. I offer them to you to take, to tweak, or to discard if they don’t seem like a fit.
“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.” ― C. JoyBell C.
- In order to own my self-worth, I had to know how to identify it. Since putting it into words was tough, I started with how I wanted to feel.
I wanted to feel more confident, comfortable in my own skin, happy. That lead to wanting to know what made me tick, what made me, me at my core. From there my definition was born. My self-worth = being a person of compassion, integrity, warmth, acceptance, high intuition, and creativity.
(SIDE NOTE: If the above doesn’t work for you, try answering this question… “What qualities do you want to be remembered for?”)
- Listen. I had to learn to listen to my gut/heart and stop listening to others when it came to what was good for me. At the end of the day, nobody knew me better than I knew myself. (And that still holds true today.)
- Removed the word “failure” from my vocabulary. I had to come to terms with the fact that if something didn’t work out (i.e. a relationship, project, etc. ) it didn’t mean I was a failure. As long as I was trying, I was never failing.
- Became more vigilant about my self-care. I began to notice that when I was run down I was more susceptible to self-criticism, fears, and negativity…none of which supported connecting to my own self-worth. Today, I’m a huge proponent of making self-care a daily habit, even if just for 10 minutes. (Here’s a self-care menu template that I’ve used to make my self-care a habit.)
- Reminded myself that it was none of my business what others thought of me. I’ve never had control over that any way. What I’ve always had control over is what I thought of me.
- Watched the comparing. Anytime I’ve ever compared myself to someone else in any way, it’s always made me feel like crap. Comparing = NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
- And lastly, remembering that I’ve always had my own back. With the help of my own coach I learned to trust and believe in my own abilities and myself.
SELF-WORTH IS PRICELESS
Sometimes I still find myself feeling a little “less than” when someone has something or does something that I’d like to have or do. After all, old habits die hard. But then I remember one thing… my self-worth has nothing to do with the external stuff and everything to do with who I am on the inside.
At the end of the day, what’s on the inside has always been priceless.
In closing, I share this wish with you…
May you know and always own your priceless self-worth. Knowing that who you are on the inside has always been and will always be more than enough!
Sending you much love and light until next time…
Originally published at www.whatswithinu.com.
Originally published at medium.com