Why are dating and relationships working for so many others, and not for you?
That girl you know (you know the one I’m talking about) seems to have no trouble with guys wanting to date her. She’s not even prettier than you!! What the hell is she doing differently?
I don’t know you, but if things aren’t working out for you in the area of men, I can pretty much guarantee you fall into one of two categories – you care too much about others, or you care too much about yourself.
You Care for Others More Than Yourself
You’re a giver. Selfless. Once you’re in a relationship you’re ALL in. In fact, you even hold yourself back from relationship because you know once you’re in it’s going to be hard for you to get out. You’re just too damn nice.
The Harsh Truth
You give and are selfless because you’re scared, rather than because it truly lights you up. You grew up in an environment where that was the best way to get your emotional needs met. You don’t like the vulnerability of receiving or asking/telling/showing what you want and deserve.
Boundaries, girl. Until you have them, you’ll continue to attract relationships where you get walked on (or you’ll stay single intentionally to avoid that). It’s going to be terrifying for you, because you were emotionally crucified as a kid for having them, yet, that’s your path to real love with a man who respects you.
You Care for Yourself More Than Others
If a man is just a means to an end for you, you can bet that you’ll be the same for him. You might end up together, sometimes for years, but as soon as one partner finds a reduction in their ROI, they’ll terminate the contract. If you see men as the enemy or are fixated on X superficial trait to earn you social currency, you’ll get a man who thinks exactly the same in return.
The Harsh Truth
You’re actually just terrified of being hurt again the same way you were in the past, and figure there’s no way to get what you really want other than to take control and use men to get what you want.
There’s some healing for you to do, which will allow you to see that men are people too, people who want love and connection, just like you.
Then, vulnerability. Opening yourself up to risk real love that isn’t just a transaction. You’ll have to get over whatever superficial trait you’re looking for and accept men exactly as they are – imperfect humans just like you. That doesn’t mean you have to partner them, of course, but until men feel accepted by you and that you want what’s best for them, they’re not going to give you the same in return.
I know, you might hate me right now, but I’m here to speaks truths. The good news is, when you work on this stuff, you’ll see real impact, and just like the gym, even though it sucks at the time, you turn around after doing it, and you’re really glad you did.