Especially if you aren’t actually the most qualified

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Some people get hired.

Some people get fired.

Most people get hired and fired.

I have been on both ends of both situations. There is a good reason for every single hire. There is even a better reason for every single fire.

Many people get fired because they are hard to work with. There are countless ways to be someone no one wants to work with. Most of them are because we think about ourselves rather than others. Signs of this include stubbornness, selfishness, my ideas are better, what’s in it for me attitude, etc. Being stubborn is not a sign of “being authentic”, it just means you are difficult to work with. Your values are only valid if you are using them to help people, not for selfish reasons.

So how do you get any job you want?

And more importantly, how do you keep it?

There is one secret to getting every job. There is one secret to keeping any job.

It is crazy simple…. The secret to getting every and any job you want?

Just make sure the people with the decision making power want to work with you.

The same is true for all sales, consulting, freelance gigs, whatever… if those in power want you or your service, they will find a way to get it done.

Why would someone want to work with you though? What do you do that sets you apart from the rest. Of course you need the mental capacity. You need a baseline level of skill for the role. Once those targets are hit and are out of the way, what else can you do?

Here are the actions of people we like working with. These are the actions that will make people want to work with you. The first one is the most important. So take these, make them part of your daily actions, and people will start/keep wanting to work with you.

Image courtesy of Unsplash


Find Pain, Ease Pain — Everyone has a problem, or two. Those who are wanted help others with their biggest challenges. Help others stop feeling their pain and they will forever hold you valuable. If you can prove that you can legitimately help them solve their problems, you will get the job, every time.

Pay Attention to Small Wins — Everything good is an opportunity to promote success, to be grateful. Gratitude brings out the best in you and in others. We live according to our expectations.

Place Focus on Others — This is about having an outward mindset. The more that a person helps fulfill the needs of another the more satisfaction that the entire team feels.

Realize Everyone is On Their Own Journey — Expectations drive our reactions. When we expect people to act a certain way, we limit the potential for growth. Reduce fixed expected results and focus on maximizing what is already there. Each person needs true support from others. Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes is always a good idea.

Take Calculated Risks — They show courage in the face of uncertainty. By understanding the risks and taking action anyway, we can inspired those around us. Plus, the payoffs are always better than doing nothing.

Have a Disciplined Approach to Listening — The hardest skill to master. Listening is not being quiet. Listening is about focusing to understand context as well as meaning. Listen better by focusing on the other person’s needs, wants, and historical experiences.

Find Beauty in Everyday Things — Finding beauty is the sign of a developed mind. Appreciation is the highest form of acceptance. We all want to be around people who accept us. Complainers suck. They suck energy, they suck happiness, they just suck inspiration.

Help Others Celebrate Success — Instead of being egotistic and self-centered, the people we want to be around want others to succeed. They are not threatened by the accomplishments of others. Truly helping others succeed and then being happy for that success creates and environment everyone wants to be a part of.

Show Accountability — They own up to mistakes and shared credit for wins. By never excusing mistakes we can help others do the same.

Use Kind Words — People remember how they feel around others. Kind words create strong emotional memories. Kindness is a sign of confidence. Confident people are fun to be around because they are not trying to impress or degrade others. They know their fundamentally self-worth and want others to discover the same mindset.

Have Kind Actions — More than saying nice things, doing kind things is needed to prove the words spoken. Helping others with your time with no expectation of payment is kind. Giving a thoughtful gift is kind. Writing a thank you not is kind. Be kind since kindness makes people like you.

Respect Their Bodies — They seem healthy because they actually care. They exercise some, they eat pretty decently, they understand that their body is the tool they use to help others do good. Since they respect their own body, we feel they can respect our work projects and more importantly respect us.

Ask For Help — By not being afraid to show weakness they build stronger trust. Vulnerability builds relationships. Additionally, by asking for help we show we are self-aware. Self awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence.

Follow Their Why — They only do things that support their purpose. They are focused and committed and help others be the same.

Learn from Failure — Not achieving success is valuable only if you take the lessons learned and apply them. Likable people understand the power of experience and always use negative situations to build on for the future.

Show Resourcefulness — They make do. Whatever is available becomes all they need. As we stretch our minds our abilities and skills do as well. People who are resourceful make everyone around them better, they are not takes but are givers. The more we stretch the more people want to work with us.

Speak With Clarity — They say what they mean, with tact of course. Instead of hiding true meaning, the share true motivations. Transparency is more important than winning. By wanting everyone to feel included they create trust and empower others to be open as well.

What do these traits have in common? They are people who are confident and have an outward mindset. They understand themselves and they understand others. They have emotional intelligence and work hard at the same time. This is called emotional competence. The ability to act in an emotionally intelligent manner. They are people we want to be around and people we strive to be like.

You can add value. You will add value. Start thinking about others and their needs and you will be the type of person people want to be around.

Want to talk? Connect with me on LinkedIn or check out my daily blog.

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Originally published at on February 22, 2017.

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