Before I could drive a car I had given birth twice. I was 16 when I had my second child Christopher. I remember wanting to hold onto my virginity. All my friends had already lost theirs and I was curious what it was all about. We weren’t living in the average teenage world though, my friends and I. We lived in a resort town some of you may know, Seaside Heights, NJ. I wouldn’t say that we had parents that didn’t care about us but more along the lines of they had their own things going on.
My parents were active addicts at this point and I was able to run free with my brothers and sister. My friends and I mostly spent our time walking the boards and hanging at the “Pool Hall”. This was where we met guys that were way to old for us and not any good for us either. We had so much fun though, we would find ways to get alcohol and created bonds that were unbreakable. Most of us needed family and we became each others.
I met my children’s father when I was 14 and he was 19. My mother would hide me hanging out with him from my father and encourage me sleeping over his house. A few months after this had begun I had lost my virginity to him at a party and shortly after was pregnant with my oldest daughter Lexis. This is where my story really begins.
I was sitting in the bathroom when the test came back positive. I was scared to death and my mom was so happy. I remember thinking “What is wrong with you, my life Is over”? Only I couldn’t even speak. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even breath. I do take responsibility for getting pregnant I allowed myself in that situation but I also feel robbed of so much. I look back now and a time when I thought I knew everything I actually knew nothing. I was a baby and now having a baby. My mother was to blame. Why didn’t she even try to stop me from making bad choices?
At some point in our lives we have to start taking responsibility for the roads that we traveled. We also need to know when things and actions are unhealthy. We need to learn from them and use them for our future. My daughter Lexis is a blessing and she is the start of my story.
