Each of us can find various elements of other people that either attract or repel us. Those things that stand out the most to us, whether positive or negative are those things that remind us most about ourselves.


Because people are like mirrors to us, everywhere we go. This sounds like a huge generalization about the psychology of people, so let’s unpack it a little bit. Stick with me, this is good stuff. When someone bugs you, there is something about you that has been projected onto them and you are feeling it back. The same goes for thinking that someone else is awesome or amazing.

The truth of this centers around the concept that say, when something bothers us in another person, it bothers us because it reminds us of something that is amiss inside ourselves. If not, there would be no bother. We can probably think of a time where some one was annoying and we were thinking “wow, that person is annoying.” When we see that annoyance as a reflection of us, we take offence, go on the attack, or retaliate in some manner.

The same notion holds true when we are attracted to others (not physical, relationship-typed attraction). We want to connect as much as possible.

Why The Bother?

We are often bothered by others because their negative behavior triggers a fear, an insecurity, or a place where we are out of alignment with our soul. This stifles our growth. We don’t often readily admit that we struggle with being dishonest, conceited, insecure, bossy, mean, unethical, or even a bully. Now, most of us are not this way, however each of us can struggle with certain characteristics at different times.

The same goes when people attack us verbally. For example, if someone called you “shorty” and let’s say you are 6’4” you probably wouldn’t take offence to it. Now, if someone were to call you bossy or mean and you feel that irritation well up inside, perhaps it ‘s time to reevaluate.

What you focus on you create more of in your life

Our subconscious mind is always working overtime to create an even level of play. The subconscious boat does not like to be rocked. It wants to sail on smooth waters…. All the time. Whatever belief we focus on will be the mirror that shows up t he most in our life. Sometimes it is to change us, however it is always there to remind us and keep us in awareness.

So how do we navigate the negative? Here are two simple ways.

  1. Own Our Ugly
  2. Question What Is Ugly

Own The Ugly

We can begin by taking notice of those things that make us take notice of another. Rather than getting defensive or start complaining or judging, flip that into a mirror. Ask yourself (internally of course) “am I like this” or “do I have this characteristic or quality in my life?” Become fascinated by this information coming your way rather than getting furious.

Fascination breeds discovery. And no matter what the discovery is, this captivation appeals to our inner senses and we begin to pay attention more to it. The more we pay attention to what is going on inside us, the more aware we stay, and this as changes need to be made, we will make them quicker with longer lasting results.

Question the Ugly

Once we make a discovery, we should begin to investigate what it is that is being projected onto others. Awareness generates the action of letting go. Here are three simple questions to ask to get clarity and begin to let go of those negative things that keep us from growing.

  • Who do I need to be for what is happening to not bother me?
  • What am I getting out of being this way?
  • How would I feel if I were not this way?

Ask more questions. The more questions we ask, the clearer we become. Clarity is the pathway for growth. Growth requires us to get out of our comfort zone and see beyond our current circumstances, which makes us better people, better givers, and better business leaders.