How did you wake up this morning?
At peace with yourself and the world? Feeling able to cope? Safe in your trust of you?
Or did you wake up hungover, ashamed, and with the usual dull thud of sadness and despair lodge in your chest, because, yet again, last night, you caved in and drank….and you didn’t just drink a glass or two of something chilled, sipped slowly and savored, you knocked it back desperate to get that first hit of ‘relief’?
Alcohol, or rather the way you drink alcohol, seems a complete mystery to you.
You want to change your drinking, you hate the way you feel, act, even look, after a night of wine (but no song).
You know what alcohol does to you, you see it, you feel it, and you hear it in your harsh condemnation of yourself, and the disappointment and hurt of the voices of your loved ones.
So, again, you invest more time and energy in trying to understand more about alcohol.
You read more about the effects it has on your body, your brain. You learn about the illness alcohol is linked to, the cancers, the dementia’s, and the more you read, the more you learn, the more terrified and desperate you become to find the Holy Grail of a sobriety you don’t even want, but seems to be the only solution to ending your drinking pain.
Its obviously got to be an all or nothing when it comes to drinking, hasn’t it? Because you know from long experience, that the methods of control, avoidance, setting of limits and boundaries around alcohol don’t work.
But here’s the truth, to change any action you take that ultimately harms you, be it food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, (you know your poison), you must stop focusing on the action, but on your inner processes, the unmet needs, that the action is the end result of, your method of comfort.
But I’m not talking the unmet needs that come from raking up your past, that’s time consuming, painful and frankly, unnecessary, instead there is a quick, easy way, that when you do it works consistently, and that is to Self-Parent yourself.
If you have the gift of children, you will remember that as they took their first stumbling steps, you walked beside them, your hands hovering, but not quite touching their shoulders. You were there aware and watchful.
You were ready to catch them, to steer them away from danger, from electric sockets, from dog poo, from the waters edge.
You saw the potential dangers that your precious toddlers did not, could not see, because of their youth, height and lack of experience.
- You picked them up when they fell, you cuddled and set them on their feet again.
- You forgave written on walls, broken cups, you laughed and loved
- You praised and consoled
- You saw when they were tired, and rested them
- You understood their hunger cries and fed them.
- You saw when they needed time out, and gave them space
- You heard when they needed to be heard, and you listened and advised
- You were patient, loving and supportive. You nurtured the tender buds of their physical and emotional wellbeing, you were connected with them heart and soul.
You have all the skills to parent, be it a child or a pet. They are in you all the time.
To change your drinking, you simply need to turn the wonderful gift of love and care inwards to YOU.
- To become aware of what you need and not harshly drown you out with alcohol.
- To picked you up when you fall, to hug yourself and bring you up again.
- To forgive yourself for mistakes and view them as learnings.
- To laugh with, and love, the uniqueness of who you are .
- To praise and comfort yourself when you need it
- To rest when you are tired
- To nourish yourself when you are hungry.
- To recognise you need time out and give yourself the space you need.
- To listen to you, and to act on what you hear from your heart.
- To be patient, loving and supportive of YOU.
- To nurture your physical and emotional wellbeing.
To stay connected to your heart and soul.
This is the only process you need to change your drinking, simple, lovingly aware SELF-PARENTING.
Start with one or two of the above, choose those you recognize the lack of most, feel the difference, and build from there.
In doing so, you will step back into the you who never needed a drink, yet can still enjoy a social glass or two, safe in the knowledge that alcohol only become a problem in your lack of knowing and caring for you.
Be kind and gentle with yourself
Sonia xx