“You’re not crazy, and you’re not too sensitive—what you’re experiencing is real. Once you learn to name the abuse, you can finally begin to reclaim your power.”
— Jodi Pavlock
In a world where the word “narcissist” is casually thrown around, many still don’t fully grasp the deep, calculated nature of narcissistic abuse—or the emotional and psychological toll it takes on its victims. Behind the charming façade of a narcissist lies a pattern of manipulation, control, and cruelty that can leave survivors questioning their sanity and worth. In this compelling interview, certified recovery coach and author Jodi Pavlock offers raw, real, and insightful definitions of the most misunderstood terms in the narcissistic abuse cycle—from trauma bonding and gaslighting to future faking and smear campaigns. Through her powerful storytelling and lived experience, she brings clarity to the chaos so many endure behind closed doors.
Jodi’s memoir, Jekyll Can’t Hyde, is more than a book—it’s a voice for those who’ve been silenced and a lifeline for those still trying to break free. In this deeply vulnerable and informative conversation, she walks readers through the emotional warfare of narcissistic relationships, while giving them the vocabulary to identify the abuse and the strength to walk away from it. Whether you’re just beginning to question your relationship or already on your path to healing, Jodi’s wisdom will offer both validation and empowerment.
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your backstory?
Thank you for having me. I’m incredibly passionate about this conversation because I’ve lived through it and made it to the other side. I was in a narcissistic, emotionally abusive relationship for almost nine years. During that time, I was psychologically manipulated, gaslit, future faked, and essentially broken down—piece by piece. I didn’t realize what was happening until I started educating myself on narcissistic abuse. That’s when everything clicked. I knew I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t overreacting. I was being abused. I took my pain and turned it into power by writing my memoir, Jekyll Can’t Hyde, and by becoming a certified recovery coach. Now I use my voice to help others recognize the signs and reclaim their worth.
What inspired you to write your book, Jekyll Can’t Hyde?
Writing the book was part of my healing process, but it was also a lifeline to others. I wanted to tell the raw, unfiltered truth of what it’s like to love a narcissist. It wasn’t written out of bitterness—it was written out of survival. I wanted to give language to the experiences people silently endure. I wanted them to know they’re not alone. That there’s a way out. And that they’re not crazy—it’s the abuse that’s crazy-making.
Let’s start with a common term: What exactly is trauma bonding?
Trauma bonding is probably one of the most misunderstood terms, yet it’s the foundation of many toxic relationships. It’s a psychological attachment that forms when a victim is repeatedly subjected to a cycle of abuse followed by intermittent affection or kindness. You get hooked on the emotional highs and lows, almost like an addiction. You begin to crave those brief moments of tenderness—even though they’re surrounded by pain and manipulation. You stay, not because you don’t see the red flags, but because your nervous system has been trained to respond to the chaos. I lived it. I know how powerful that bond can be.
Why is it so difficult for people to leave when they’re trauma bonded?
Because you’re deeply emotionally tied to someone who is hurting you. And ironically, your body begins to respond to the abuse with familiarity. You convince yourself things will change, or that the next good moment means the worst is behind you. But it never is. You keep waiting for that “good version” of them to come back. You convince yourself you’re the problem. That if you just loved them a little harder or did things a little differently, the abuse would stop. It’s a trap—and it’s heartbreaking.
What does “walking on eggshells” look like in a narcissistic relationship?
It becomes your daily reality. You’re constantly assessing their mood, anticipating their reactions, and bracing for emotional backlash. I remember staring out the window in dread, waiting for him to get home, wondering what version of him I’d be dealing with that day. It’s not normal anxiety—it’s survival-level fear. You’re constantly adjusting your behavior to avoid conflict, and in doing so, you lose yourself. You stop laughing. You stop speaking up. You shrink.
Can you explain what cognitive dissonance is in this context?
Cognitive dissonance is the mental tug-of-war you experience when you’re holding two conflicting truths. For instance, you love the person, but you also hate the way they treat you. You think, “He can’t do this to me,” while simultaneously realizing, “Wait, he IS doing this to me.” Your brain can’t make sense of it, so you start rationalizing their behavior, or worse, blaming yourself. It becomes a form of self-gaslighting. You tell yourself things aren’t that bad—until they are. And the more you do that, the harder it becomes to leave.
Can you share a personal example of cognitive dissonance?
One that sticks out is when I confronted my ex about an affair. I had undeniable evidence—a timestamped photo from someone I trusted, supported by multiple witnesses. And still, he looked me dead in the eyes and said, “That photo is photoshopped.” For a split second, I wanted to believe him so badly that I almost did. That’s cognitive dissonance. You want the lie to be true because the truth hurts too much. It’s a mental battlefield. You’re fighting yourself just as much as you’re fighting them.
How can someone tell the difference between emotional immaturity and narcissism?
That’s a really important distinction. Emotional immaturity might mean someone avoids hard conversations or struggles to take responsibility, but they’re capable of growth and self-awareness. A narcissist, on the other hand, believes they’re entitled to do whatever they want—without consequence. They view you as an extension of themselves, not as a partner. They idealize you at first, but when you inevitably fall short of their fantasy, they start devaluing you. Then comes the control. They put you down, manipulate you, and refuse to take ownership. The difference lies in intent—and narcissists know exactly what they’re doing.
What is gaslighting and how does it show up?
Gaslighting is psychological manipulation designed to make you question your reality. It’s subtle at first. “That never happened.” “You’re imagining things.” “You’re overreacting.” Over time, you start doubting your memory, your judgment, and even your sanity. One example: I found a hotel reservation for a night he told me he was working. I confronted him, and he said it was for a friend—someone else used his comp room. But I worked in the casino industry. I knew that was impossible without him physically being there. And still, he insisted. And I began to doubt myself. That’s how powerful gaslighting is.
What is “future faking” and why is it so harmful?
Future faking is when a narcissist makes grand promises about the future—marriage, children, traveling together—but they have no intention of following through. It’s a way to keep you invested. I stopped mentioning marriage for over a year because I knew he didn’t want it. And then, out of nowhere, he proposed. I thought, “Wow, he finally sees my worth.” But later, in a drunken rage, he admitted he only proposed to “shut me up.” It crushed me. All that hope and emotional investment… was built on a lie.
What is a “smear campaign” in narcissistic abuse?
A smear campaign is when the narcissist tries to destroy your reputation after you’ve left. They tell everyone you’re crazy, a liar, a gold digger. Meanwhile, you’re the one who endured the abuse. After I left my ex, he told people I stole from him—even though I returned $57,000 of his money without touching a cent. He tried to rewrite the narrative to make me look like the villain. It’s character assassination, and it’s often very convincing to people who don’t know the full story.
Can you explain what breadcrumbing looks like?
Breadcrumbing is when they give you just enough attention or affection to keep you emotionally hooked, but never enough to feel secure. One day they’re distant and cold, the next they’re showering you with “I love you’s” and affection. It’s a manipulation tactic that keeps you chasing the next emotional high. You think, “Maybe he’s changing,” but it’s all calculated. It’s hope used as bait.
What is hoovering and why is it dangerous?
Hoovering is the narcissist’s way of sucking you back into the relationship after you’ve left or pulled away. It can involve love bombing, grand apologies, or even going through your friends to reach you—like my ex did. They’ll do whatever it takes to reel you back in. But it’s not about love—it’s about control. Once they’ve got you again, the abuse starts right back up.
What does “mirroring” mean in this dynamic?
Mirroring is when the narcissist studies you and pretends to be everything you’re looking for. They reflect your interests, your values, your language. It creates this false sense of connection. You think, “Wow, we’re so alike!” But it’s an act. Over time, the mask slips and you realize you never knew them at all. They were just performing.
What is the purpose of the silent treatment in narcissistic abuse?
The silent treatment is used as a punishment. They ignore you to make you feel invisible, to regain control. It’s emotionally devastating because it forces you to question what you did wrong—even when you did nothing. You become desperate for their attention and validation. That’s the goal. It’s emotional blackmail, plain and simple.
How does triangulation work in narcissistic relationships?
Triangulation is when they use a third person to create insecurity or jealousy. They might compare you to an ex, or say, “Why can’t you be more like so-and-so?” It’s designed to destabilize you and make you feel like you’re not good enough. It puts you in competition mode—and they thrive on that. It gives them more control, more power.
What are “flying monkeys” in this context?
Flying monkeys are people who have been manipulated by the narcissist to take their side. They might be friends, family members, or even strangers on social media. They spread lies, monitor your actions, and reinforce the narcissist’s version of reality. They become part of the abuse—sometimes unknowingly. It’s another tactic to isolate and intimidate you.
What advice would you give to someone who suspects they’re in a narcissistic relationship?
Start by educating yourself. Learn the terminology. Watch videos, read books, talk to a therapist or a coach. You’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. The more you understand these patterns, the more clarity you gain. And from that clarity comes strength. Once you see the truth, you can’t unsee it. That’s when the healing begins.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can find my book Jekyll Can’t Hyde—spelled H-Y-D-E—on Amazon, Barnes & Noble online, and on my website https://jodilynnpavlock.com/. I also run a support group on Facebook called “Jodi’s Triumph,” where survivors of narcissistic abuse can connect, share, and heal together. I’m active on Instagram and TikTok too. My inbox is always open—I want people to know there’s hope, and I’m here to listen.
Thank you so much for being here and sharing so openly. This conversation will help so many people feel seen and understood.
Thank you so much for having me. It was truly a pleasure. I appreciate the space to share my story—and I hope it inspires others to find their own strength and speak up.
