As Valentine’s Day approaches, a so-called “affliction” once again takes center stage, sparking concern from friends, family, and even strangers. Millions—especially women—find themselves the focus of unsolicited advice, uncomfortable interrogations, and a sense of urgency to “fix” their relationship status. There are entire industries dedicated to combating it, from dating apps to self-help books to reality TV shows. And yet, despite all this attention, this “problem” isn’t a problem at all. It’s simply being single.
Let’s get one thing straight: being single is not a disease. It’s not a symptom of a deeper flaw, nor does it mean someone is unlucky, broken, or unworthy of love. Yet, in a society that idolizes coupledom—especially during the Valentine’s season—single people often find themselves the subject of scrutiny. Well-meaning but misguided friends might say, “He’s too picky,” or “She’s attractive and single—there must be something wrong with her.” These snap judgments not only reinforce outdated stereotypes but also ignore a fundamental truth: for many people, being single is a choice.
Certainly, some individuals struggle with self-sabotage in relationships, but for the vast majority, singlehood isn’t a failure—it’s a lifestyle decision. The pressure to conform to traditional milestones—marriage by a certain age, kids by another—can create unnecessary anxiety. While being in a relationship can offer benefits like companionship, stability, and support, it’s not the only path to fulfillment. And let’s be honest—Valentine’s Day only amplifies this pressure.
Consider one of my clients, a successful and happy single man, who told me he had been asked to be set up four times in the past two months. While he appreciated the thought, he couldn’t help but wonder: Were these people genuinely considering his qualities and interests, or were they simply trying to “cure” his single status?
This isn’t just an issue of well-meaning friends or family members. The stigma of singlehood is reinforced by pop culture, media narratives, and even corporate advertising, all pushing the idea that happiness is contingent on being part of a couple. Romantic comedies often conclude with the protagonist finding “the one,” reality dating shows turn relationships into competitions, and social media is flooded with curated glimpses of seemingly perfect couples exchanging lavish Valentine’s gifts. The underlying message is clear: singlehood is something to escape rather than embrace.
It’s time for society to shift its perspective. Just as it would be inappropriate to ask a married couple why they chose to wed, it’s equally problematic to ask a single person why they haven’t. The real issue isn’t singlehood—it’s the stigma attached to it. Struggling to make ends meet, battling health problems, or facing legal trouble—these are real concerns. Being single? Not so much.
Instead of treating singlehood as something to be remedied, we should celebrate autonomy and the freedom to choose what kind of life truly brings happiness. Whether partnered or not, fulfillment comes from within—not from ticking off a societal checklist. The more we embrace this idea, the closer we get to a society where personal happiness is measured by self-contentment, not relationship status.