by Karen Arluck

One of the simplest ways to instantly be more attractive to other people is to really pay attention to what the other person is saying, and show genuine enthusiasm and interest. Many people view a conversation as a ping pong match- they say something, I say something, they say… etc. While adding something funny about yourself or relating to what someone is saying can be nice or appropriate at times, most people actually want someone to focus on whatever they are saying in the moment and to feel special. Major bonus points for remembering something a person said during a previous conversation, and asking a follow up question about it at the appropriate later date.

Example of showing interest and positive follow-up:

Sara and Tyler are on a date:

Tyler: “What do you do for a living?”

Sara: “I’m actually starting a new job tomorrow at a PR firm.”

Tyler: “That’s awesome! What kind of work will you be doing there?”

Sara: “Mostly social media, sort of like what I was doing before- except much bigger clients and more brand development.”

Tyler: “Congratulations! Brand development sounds really exciting, what does that entail?”

Sara answers and conversation continues…

Next day at 7pm:

Tyler texts Sara: “Hey! Hope you had a great first day. How did it go?”

What not to do:

Tyler: “What do you do for a living?”

Sara: “I’m actually starting a new job tomorrow at a PR firm”

Tyler: “Oh, my brother works in PR at this awesome company downtown. I thought about going into PR before law school, but then decided I would be much more successful as a lawyer, so I figured that I could always fall back on PR if law doesn’t work out. Also, I make my own schedule, which is great because I really like to travel as much as I can. In fact, I’m going to Croatia next week, have you ever been? It’s supposed to be amazing”

The point is…

One of the simplest things a person can do to be more attractive to others is to improve their ability to listen to the other person in a conversation. This means keeping the focus on the topic the other person is discussing, not jumping to relate or make it about their own life, asking relevant questions about what the person is saying, remembering the details of what the other person said, and major bonus points if they remember to ask about it later at the appropriate time.

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