There are (at least) three major existential crisis we go through in life. Okay, I said pessimistic, but we all know I meant realist. I just wanted to scare the happy people off. I don’t think it is our responsibility (or our right) to take the rose coloured glasses off of someone else. If someone accepts a truth before they are ready they might slip into a depression like the rest of us, and that’s not acceptable to put on anyone. So only read on if you are sad, and if you believe in something I suggest don’t read the blurb underneath it.
There might be more, but, these are the three I know of. And I am going to talk a little bit about how you cope with each, and how you can use each as an opportunity to shift your perspective to something positive rather than sink into a depression.
CRISIS # ONE: Fairytales
You stopped believing in fairytales. Now, this happened in our childhood, sure, and looking back now it means nothing. But at that time in your life, it meant something. It really did. But usually this crisis isn’t that impactful because we still have other beliefs which keep us going, however, it is in this moment, that we realize that maybe, just maybe, life has a few more lies in store for us. After all, if we truly with our whole chest believed that Santa was real, as silly as it sounds now, what else do we believe which is a lie?
Some kids get sad when they learn this isn’t real. I remember my sister cried. It is sad to know something that once brought you joy no longer exists, and that it never did.
POSITIVE TURN AROUND:
So how can this be a positive thing? Well, once you realize Santa isn’t real, you can appreciate who the REAL person who bought your gifts are….. your parents. This opens an opportunity for gratitude and kindness to our loved ones who we might have thought didn’t want to buy us our favourite things, because they simply didn’t care. No, they did. They just didn’t want to spoil us and so they crafted a story so we could ask for our real wishes guilt free. No longer believing in fairies and dragons can draw children’s attention to REAL creatures of nature. Fish in the sea, birds of the sky, reptiles, animals, cool plants and planets. A curiosity in the world can make us feel inspired again, but this time it is in something real and tangible, which could make way for a career or a hobby. Something that will better the world.
CRISIS # TWO: Afterlife, higher power
A lot of people quickly realize that a man who flies in a magical sled lead by nine flying reindeer is just as, or even more believable, then a God who answers every prayer, and a gate to Heaven and Hell, where you will spend eternal bliss or misery.
To accept that after death there is nothing is terrifying. So we make up stories about how life could just be a simulation, or that life has a meaning other than what we give it. It’s all lies. (in my opinion).
This crisis not everyone gets to, but those who do become depressed as hell. Read Plato ‘The Republic’ for comfort.
POSITIVE TURN AROUND:
Once you accept that life has no meaning and that oblivion is on it’s way, we start to appreciate everyday we wake up more. We don’t have endless chances, or endless days, eternal life does not exist. So we learn to appreciate what we have. The time we have. What we’ve got left. We stop living for the sake of getting into Heaven, and instead we help others because we want to ease the pain of those around us, and even contribute to their joy. That is a much more selfless life to live anyways. And we can take the time we were using to focus on religion, and focus instead on those who actually gave us life, our parents. When someone prays for us we can appreciate that they are showing us love. When someone says, “Jesus loves you,” what they are really saying is, “I love you,” and that means a lot more to me.
We can also start to enjoy the things we once felt deprived of or guilty for. Sex is a great starter. Now that we know we can’t go to hell for it, might as well reap the benefits.
CRISIS # THREE: Soulmates / True Love
This is the one I am going through. The dark realization that soulmates and true love aren’t actually real. Well, love is real, but relationships are conditional. No one is going to stay with you if you treat them like shit because they are your soulmate. No one is going to love you if you don’t put effort into yourself and them. There is no perfectly crafted person in the universe waiting for you. And that’s okay. Because, I promise there is an up side…..
POSITIVE TURN:
Once you realize that no one is your soulmate, you start to realize (and appreciate) how much work your partner does to try and be your perfect match. Your partner might lie and tell you they love the theatre just as much as you, just because they want to see the smile on your face when they take you to a show. The reason we believe soulmates exist is because our partners allow us to feel that way. They put in a lot of work to make us feel as if they were built for us, and we do it for them too. So in a way, accepting that your partner isn’t your soulmate actually makes you appreciate them much more, and are much more forgiving with them when they don’t act the way you would expect your soulmate to, since they are not your perfect match (no one ever will be) you can appreciate them even more for their flaws.
Learning that no one is going to love you unconditionally also forces you to treat your partner better. Your partner isn’t building a soul bond to you because they are your soulmate, they are there because they love you and they CHOOSE you. So, make sure you treat them right and appreciate them while you have them. Always put your best foot forward with them, as best you can, and trust they will be there for you on your bad days…….. but don’t stay there for too long either. Pick yourself back up when you can so that you can be a better partner to your other half.
Having this awareness that your partner is choosing you, and not that fate brought you two together really helps you to put more effort into the relationship, and into yourself, which could prevent divorces and relationship turmoil. No one was built to be your other half, so be full on your own and find a life partner who will love you at your best and at your worst. Just don’t treat them badly, because they are not built for you, and they are under no obligation to stay.