You want to change your drinking because you can see, feel and hear the damage it is causing. You see in your eyes the physical harm, you see in your loved ones, your children’s the emotional wounds of your drinking and it and it lacerates you to your soul.
You know, you just know, that if you could just cut down on your drinking, if you could just keep it under control, life would be so much happier and healthier, and so you decide, “That’s it, I’m going to change my relationship with alcohol……’
Where do you start? Well, its obvious, you start with looking at creating rules – alcohol free days, limits on how much you will drink, diversions such as the gym and all the rest – you start by focusing on alcohol.
But none of it works, or not for long, and your relationship with alcohol stays strong….why?
Its simple. You are looking in the wrong direction, in a place where no answers lie, because you don’t have a relationship with alcohol….You can’t have a relationship with alcohol….alcohol has no consciousness – it’ simply a liquid in a bottle (yes its highly addictive, but so are many substances that you choose not to imbibe), and it has connection with you.
Alcohol does not care if you pick it up, or walk on by. It has no interest in you, and has no magical hold over you.
So that’s one side of the relationship gone, and what’s left is YOU.
Here’s the TRUTH. Alcohol has a symbolic value to you of ‘comfort’ – a huge umbrella term which covers, calm, you-time, peace, relaxation etc on one side, and on the other side, a ‘pick-you-up’, a ‘get-you-in-the mood’ – you know the terms you use.
You have a relationship with YOU around your BELIEFS of what alcohol delivers to you.
The intention behind your seemingly out of control drinking is to bring something into your life you lack.
The result of your drinking is even greater lacks, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially, and in your greater lack, you return time and time to alcohol………as your method of ‘comfort’
Another truth is that the lack you are trying to address by drinking is not physical, so you can’t buy/eat/drink it away.
It is a lack of inner balance, and because you cannot see your see-sawing, fractured inner balance, you are often unaware of the truth of this.
Without the awareness’s of your true needs of re-connection and realignment, you turn time and time again to looking for an external comfort – alcohol (to others it is food/gambling/shopping/sex), to ‘comfort’ your inner lack.
To heal your relationship with your beliefs around alcohol and what it delivers, you must stop focussing on the outer action of picking up the first drink, and turn, instead, to focusing on your inner needs.
Become an observer not of what you doing, but of who you are being, to you, when you are feeling/ craving alcohol.
Notice if you are being aware and supportive of your true needs, or unaware and dismissive.
Ask yourself open ended questions that start a loving conversation with you, such as
“What do I need right now? What am I lacking? – Alcohol is never the answer to ‘lack’
Don’t rush your answers, give your inner wisdom time to answer, just BREATHE whilst you wait. Then give thanks for the answer delivered, and act on them.
Within who you are NOT BEING in the moment, is where ALL the answers to your drinking are, and in the wisdom of your answers is where you heal your relationship with YOU, and your drinking changes naturally.
Be kind and gentle with yourself