On my 29th birthday was the breaking point. My happiness was much more important than anything else. I was leaving my seven-year marriage. In my head, my children were happy; nonetheless, psychologically, the conflict was affecting them.
So, that morning I woke up happy and in high spirits because, of course, I was a year older. I prepared breakfast and got the children packing their bags and drove them to school. When I went back home, I found my husband getting ready for work. Coincidentally, his business was not doing that well, and his being short-tempered an argument started when I borrowed him money to buy food. It resulted in him being physically abusive.
Wake up call
Immediately he slammed the door; something in me reflected on my life and what had made us fight. Being broke and a bad marriage is what triggered the change. Remembering I had put aside my career as an accountant in a multinational company to concentrate on my family. All the sacrifices that I had made seemed had been forgotten. This made me bitter. All my ambitions as a woman of being a well-sought accountant and start my accounting firm. That seemed to have vanished in thin air when I got married. All my dedication and hard work were at my husband’s company.
Out of anger, I packed all my belonging and my children’s belonging. My life had to change, and I was going to be the change. I took the savings I had hidden, and I looked for a house out of state. My children came home, and each took their bag, and we drove off. That was the last time I was married.
Knowing very well, I had nobody to support my children and me, the next day, I went on a job hunt, and I decided on not to be choosy and do anything that came along. Luckily, we met up with my former employer, and he got me a job. I was doing what I loved doing and that brought a lot of satisfaction.
What to do when kids are involved
Divorce is an experience that is traumatic for children. Studies suggest that children adjust fine after two years after the divorce. On the other hand, children who live in a family that has high conflict tend to experience more problems. Therefore, when going through a conflict with your partner, keep the kids away from it. Both physiological and social issues might arise if a parent conflict is ongoing.
It is advisable to introduce a plan that will be favorable for the children. And, having open communication is necessary. Kids love honesty about what is going on.
In most cases, children are likely to get affected by unexpected changes. What I noticed with my kids is that their personalities changed. They were both talkative, and all of a sudden, they went mum. One thing I should have done is to make a move slowly and detach them from that home.
When both parents are in close contact, kids tend to do better. Therefore, maintaining a good relationship with an ex-spouse is crucial for children’s happiness. Research suggests that children who have a strained relationship with a parent, or both parents have a difficult period dealing with personal issues.
Self-care
Separation or divorce brings about a lot of changes. These changes can be overwhelming and drain you mentally and physically. So, this is the right time to take care of yourself. Turning into family and friends for support and assistance is okay.
Also, support groups of people going through divorce or separation are advisable. A self-development can also help build you back. I found my work satisfying. And I buried myself in my work; therefore, this made my accounting skills perfect. Lastly, staying positive and getting physically healthy is essential.
Getting help from a psychologist
The entire family suffers when separation and divorce happens. Speaking to a psychologist will help deal with denial and the changes that are happening. Also, it helps you as s a spouse, to avoid repeating the same pattern. Moreover, disclosing the mistake that leads to the divorce to a psychologist will help not to carry that baggage to the next relationship.
Bottom line
I am lucky enough to have supportive family and friends. During the separation, they helped me. I believe life has a second chance for everyone. I have the privilege to do what I love most, my work! Never did it occur to me that my life will have such an abrupt change.
I do not know what the future holds for me, but I am determined to accept life and live one day at a time. Finally, I have learned that life without happiness is no life at all. Being responsible for your happiness is vital. It took me too long to realize that.