As women in a modern society, we play many roles from being a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend and a member of various communities. The pressure builds up when you are also a business owner or lead an organisation.

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Balancing these roles can be overwhelming but learning how to manage our expectations and exercise self-management can help reduce the pressures. In a society where mistakes are not easily tolerated or differing opinions and views are easily challenged, the ability to filter the comments, feedback and remarks from various parties is a skill. The technique of ‘tuning out to unnecessary noise’ is essential in achieving a productive and happy life. The first step is to learn how to appreciate our self-worth.

As humans, we tend to be over-critical of ourselves and do not credit our strengths and talents. We let our personal expectations and the pressures of needing to be perfect take over our lives and emotions got the better of us. There will be days where we want to give up on tasks at hand or contemplate, even starting it. As a result, our growth gets stunted, and we make no progress.

When the going gets tough, we find ourselves doubting our abilities. We questioned if we are really good at what we do, or doing it the right way, or working hard enough. And then, our ‘mental demon’ comes to play and start to plant thoughts in our head. We ask if we deserve this much happiness, success, wealth and acceptance.

However, self-sabotaging can be a dangerous affair, and unless we come out of it fast, we deprive ourselves of our own happiness and opportunity to reach our goals. In other words, we become our worst enemy. While there are many reasons for us feeling like this, there are ways to come out of it quickly.

Here are some basic rules on creating a pathway to successful living, whether in our own lives or business. 

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We all born with unique talents, and that is true because God’s creations are just. While learning to stay humble is a virtue; learning to stop overly criticising ourselves is as important. While is it important to reflect on what we have done wrong, it is essential to tip the scale towards achieving positive results the next time. If we don’t, it will always be a vicious cycle. What makes it worse is when we go into an emotional and mental paralysis when we allow people to do just that. So, in order to build a resistance wall, we have to stop doing it to ourselves first.

Approach things with a positive mindset even when we feel down. Deviate the feelings to other productive activities that will help us calm down and understand why we are the best person for this job, role, and task. When we believe in our strengths for whatever we intend to do, everything starts to change because we make an effort to start doing. 

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Identify one or two things you are good at and build on that as a motivation to do other things. We are not a jack of all trades. We are unique, and we have our own specialist areas. Focus on that one trade or niche and keep sharpening the saw. In other words, focus on your strength. Pivot our thoughts to making positive progress in our trade and become even better everytime. Most of all, celebrate all the small achievements.

When we come across a roadblock, find the reason why it was a problem, and seek alternatives to come back even better and stronger. Don’t kill ourselves trying to be perfect. Not good with writing? Upgrade ourselves and take courses in writing. Need a transformation? Hire a coach to help us achieve our goals. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, find a solution as a motivation to keep going. Start small but dream big. Always.

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As a parent, I believe in injecting positive influence through proper choice of words and language in my conversations with my children – especially the teenager. Likewise, the positive language and self-talk should be at play with ourselves and with people around us.

Pay attention to your language and the words you use. In a digital world, our fingers act faster than our brains can react or think. Avoid the urge to be a ‘keyboard warrior’ and get involve in unproductive comments. Always be mindful of our personal branding and develop a positive image. Stay away from negative people and avoid being entangled in a negative mindset, especially on social media.

One the best ways to speaking positively is to be in the company of the right people. This is important as being in the right community who share similar drive and ‘speak the same language’ helps us keep a balanced head, heart and mind. When everyone exudes respect and appreciation in our communications for each other, we propel better and move faster in our business and personal life.

I am reminded of what my personal coach always say, ‘choosing your words wisely is key to unveiling the right attitude in people.’ The tongue can be a double-edged sword. It can dictate how we perceive and live life. Use it wisely, and you will be amazed at how it can transform us into better human beings.

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There will always be people who will make us feel unappreciated, undervalued, or not worth to be in their circle. So be it. Leave them. It is hard to do, but relieving ourselves from such pressure or the feeling of resentment will help us feel better. Always trust our instincts. Be very, very, very good at what we do so that no one can say otherwise. And even if someone were to argue or counter our views, invite them for an open conversation to understand their thoughts.

We are all here to learn from one another, and if they feel they are better than us, give them the benefit of the doubt. If we disagree with them, we have the right to politely walk away and acknowledging that we are all entitled to our own views and way of doing things. Sometimes, it helps to stop ourselves from trying too hard. Learn to say no to bullshit and toxic people and move on.

In order for us to achieve greater things and take care of others, we need to take care of ourselves first. Keep a healthy and positive mind because if we don’t, who will?

“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.