Q: Allana, have you ever had those moments in your life when you ask yourself, “Why do I even bother to keep dating people?” After each break-up, rejection, and bad experience – I (or those around me) keep saying to hold my chin up, weather the storm. I just don’t believe in it anymore. How can I find a reason to keep going each day? 


Whether the message is coming from you or others, the end goal is that they want to see you happy. Most people have a very difficult time being with somebody who’s unhappy, whether it’s a mom or a dad with a child who is freaking out trying to tie a shoelace, so the parent just does it for them to get it over with. It takes a special person to really sit and be patient with someone and go “Yeah, I get how you’re feeling. That sounds really awful.” Most people just try to fix us, which makes us think there’s something wrong with us for feeling disheartened. No, it’s just part of being alive.

Other people’s judgments of us or other people’s wanting to fix us can kind of like a big, heavy slime holding us down. The next time you feel down, crappy, or feel like giving up, don’t judge yourself, be kind to yourself and any of the energy that you’re feeling, that’s not yours. Take a deep breath and return that energy to the sender with a blessing. I let it go down to mother earth, whatever resonates with you, but just know that not everything you’re feeling is yours. 

Remember to just release it all. As I said before, don’t judge yourself. Learn to love all of you, even when you’re disheartened. Practice loving every single part of who you are – from the successful part to the wobbly, heartbroken, dijected part. Give compassion and kindness to yourself. It’s a very big part of self awareness, self esteem and connection to that deep part in you. The journey is to get to a place that doesn’t require any circumstance on the outside to know your okay. And that is the feeling of being unstoppable. A confidence that goes beyond words. It doesn’t come from accomplishing all these things. It actually comes from going down to the very center of the yuckiest part of you and just saying, “Hi, I’ll just sit in the dark with you. And I’ll just love you anyways, that part of you needs that kind of love in my opinion, if you’re still here and you’re still breathing, you’re still needed.”

I truly believe the universe would just take you away if you were no longer required. So there’s a reason why you’re here. And I think this is not so much about dating as it is about finding that place deep inside you that needs loves, kindness, and understanding. That place that accepts that even if I’m single the rest of my life, I’m still a good person. 

Or can you find that place inside that even though you haven’t met them yet, the universe still has my back, because if you can’t trust that the universe has your back, source has your back, or you yourself has your back; you’re always going to be looking on the outside for someone to complete you, which gives your power away, which makes you not sexy, kind of needing. So I invite you to use this experience, even if it is uncomfortable suffering as it is only temporary. 

Breathe, get through it and find that place inside you that you are holding onto that fears that you may never be able to really be with a beloved. What would it take for you to love that part of you too? And when that part of you rest something very magnetic and allowing happens – almost like this vortex of what’s possible begins to happen. Also, don’t love yourself as an agenda either – just as a means to find the one. Really honestly love yourself just to love yourself. Can you use this as an opportunity to fall madly in love with you and let that be enough just for today and take it day by day. 

And in conclusion, even though I’m here to be your inspiration and your empowerment expert and intimacy coach, et cetera, I’m no different than you. I have my days where I am curled up in a little fetal position. And I find that if I can let that be okay, and I can be an allowance of myself, that part of me will love this part of me, just as much as I love the confident part of me. There’s an integration that occurs inside. There’s a sense of home and safety and oneness and approval that no one on the outside can ever take away. It’s not time to push harder. It’s actually time to surrender and come home. I would love to be that space for you to come home to the grand jury that you are. Thank you for this beautiful opportunity.