“I’m fine”
“It’s no trouble”
“Yes, sex was incredible for me, too.”
These common lies seem harmless. After all, we’re not stealing or betraying others by telling them, we’re just avoiding uncomfortable or awkward feelings.
Hold on, though.
Have you ever considered that by keeping the truth from people, you’re actually controlling them? When you keep the truth to yourself, then problems don’t get addressed, so you’re actually harming yourself in this process. AND, you’re teaching everyone around you that lying, or not telling the entire truth, is an acceptable option for coping.
Consider a lie that people tell every day:
“I’m fine.”
What if, instead, you said something like this:
“I’m not my best today, thank you for being patient with me.”
Or, instead of “It’s no trouble”, could you try saying this:
“Actually, my plate is very full right now. Can you ask John to help instead?”
“Yes, that was great sex. Next time can we try _____?”
Somewhere, at some time in your life, you told the truth and a person got irritated, frustrated or upset. Maybe you were too blunt, or maybe they had a huge ego, or maybe they were trying to control you. Imagine yourself telling the truth to your partner, friends, family members, and co-workers today. If they like, love, admire or respect you, their response will be perhaps surprised but also supportive and positive.
If you’re not ready to be truthful with others, or if you don’t feel safe doing so, then begin by telling the truth to yourself.
“I’m really tired.”
“My schedule is completely overbooked”
“I’ve been procrastinating about ______.”
“I want to make changes, but I feel uncertain.”
“I think that ______ may have been a mistake.”
“I really would like to stop _____.”
“I really would like to start _____.”
Remember that your brain is an amazing solution finder, and once you admit the truth, no matter how big or small the issue is, your incredible brain will immediately begin seeking a solution.
Warning: when telling the truth to yourself and others, you may experience progress, breakthroughs, and solutions that have eluded you for weeks, months or years. Good luck!
Important: if you don’t feel safe telling the truth at home, at work or in the community, it’s important that you get help from a qualified professional.