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The extent that you are doing victim-thinking is the extent that you create your own suffering.  One thing that is certain, is that we all do this at some level, so let’s see if you can recognize yourself…

Last week in a coaching session with one of my clients, I had to stop her as she was talking herself deeper and deeper into her problem.

She was doing her problem right in front of me. Overanalyzing and overthinking, rationalizing, blaming and paralyzing herself into overwhelm trying to solve her problem from the same mindset that she created it with.

Einstein said that you couldn’t solve a problem with the same level of mind that created it.

It’s hard to believe but we become addicted to the emotions and drama of things going wrong. Your subconscious mind actually creates the circumstances for you to get your fix.

This most often originates from experiencing a traumatic childhood where fear and scarcity were at the order of the day. No wonder then that the mind is conditioned to scarcity-consciousness and held in place by thinking patterns of away-from-thinking, all-or-nothing-thinking and personalizing.

Creating your own suffering

These habitual thinking patterns are subconscious and running on autopilot. In other words you are not aware of them, you just experience them in the following ways and thereby creating your own suffering:

  • Focusing on what is not working
  • Comparing yourself with others
  • Taking everything personally
  • Taking every disagreement as a personal attack
  • Blaming others, blaming yourself
  • Procrastinating
  • Overthinking, overthinking, rationalizing
  • Predicting worst-case scenarios

Your state-of-being is that of fear, doubt, scarcity, feeling overwhelmed, paralyzed and powerless. Worst is, it feels as if is personal, pervasive and permanent.

Your brain is pumping cortisol throughout your body and the neural circuits connecting these experiences are firing and wiring them into highways in your brain.

Here you have 65000 thoughts everyday on autopilot, creating the same experiences, triggering the same emotions and hormones. If you have the same routine every day, then your body is physically living in the past.

Here’s the kicker. You cannot change this without self-awareness and taking ownership of your thoughts, emotions, words and actions.

Realizing that you are thinking your thoughts, feeling your emotions, speaking your words and taking action. Realizing that you have created your life in this way.

Realizing that you have been standing in your own way.

Fear of losing control

What is behind all of this, is the fear to lose control, the fear of the unknown, the fear to trust. Your conditioned subconscious mind is doing everything in its power to keep things familiar because the intention is to keep you safe in your comfort zone. Even though this sounds absurd and illogical, this is how your mind works.

The irony is that a new future, a different reality, lies in the unknown, because everything that is known is of the past. But venturing into the unknown means you have to step out of the comfort zone of your conditioned mind, and that means letting go of control and the subconscious mind won’t have that.

When you let go and venture into embracing the unknown, your state changes from the negative emotions like fear and doubt to excitement, joy, gratitude. The vibrational frequencies of these negative and positive emotions are on the polar ends of the continuum.

When that happens, the subconscious mind sees danger and wants to protect you from that and immediately something will happen to trigger you to experience fear and you pull back.

So, the moment you start to focus on what you want and what is working, and you count what you are grateful for, you notice the abundance around you, you will be triggered to look at your bank account and see that you are short of money and all the fear will come rushing back.

The thing is that you are not aware of what is happening in your subconscious mind until you become self-aware that is, and understand what and why that is happening and what you can do about it.

Here’s a question for you, on a scale of 1 to 10, to what extent are you experiencing this on a daily basis?


Just so you know, we all have these experiences and their intensity and frequency are in direct relation to your level of self-awareness and the tools you have to transcend them.  This is in fact the human condition.

When I took my client through the process of taking ownership of her powers of creation – her thoughts, emotions, words and actions, she was blown away. For the first time she realized that there was nobody to blame.

A few days later I received an email saying that she never realized she had blame-on-autopilot.  She is on her way to change her life.

To learn more, get the Free Template to Claim your Powers to Create your Bliss on my website. Here I explain more about how your mind works, self-awareness and I take you through the process of taking ownership.

I believe we create our own suffering and through self-awareness and taking ownership of your powers, you are taking the first step to shift from fear and lack to abundance, joy and peace.


  • Dina Marais

    Business & Life Reinvention Coach

    Dina is a Business & Life Reinvention Coach and works with entrepreneurs and professionals to reinvent their business and life, live a stress-free lifestyle and make money in harmony with their heart, health and the Universe. Dina believes to BE the change you want to see in your business by mastering your mindset energy vibration and leverage your expertise to manifest your vision and business lifestyle. She has been involved in coaching and business for more than 16 years. Dina is a co-author with 19 other women world wide sharing their love journeys of trauma and triumph in the #1 International Best Seller Love Unboxed by Placida Acheru.