Are you a survivor of domestic violence? Are you struggling during the crisis of this pandemic? The loneliness and isolation of this experience is hard for everyone but for survivors of domestic violence, it can be particularly difficult.

You may still be dealing with a sense of envy for your abusive narcissistic ex partner’s new relationship. You may be consumed with the thought that his or her new partner is now getting the love you so desperately wanted from your ex but was never good enough to get.

You may even be obsessed over the thought that their new partner will now get that amazing love that showed up in the beginning of your relationship with your ex. The amazing person that disappeared almost as quickly as they blew into you life.

I know exactly how you feel because I once played those same messages over and over inside my own mind. I know what it’s like to miss the illusion of who you thought they were, even if know one else understands.

The below words are a gift to you during this difficult time. It is an expression of a healing journey I know all too well. It is a confirmation that affirms YES, you are doing the right thing by not going back into the abuse cycle even in your loneliest moments.

It is a confirmation that says NO, your abuser isn’t going to change no matter what they want you to believe. There is hope beyond your hurt. There is enormous possibilities beyond your pain.

You will know when you have reached healing when you the only emotion you feel for your ex’s next partner is sympathy. You will get there, just keep going.

It is my hope that the words below will help you as much as they did for me as I wrote them. May they help you as you continue to learn to spread your own wings in order to set yourself free. Here’s wishing you flight, freedom and release.

Today I Cried…

Today I cried for the man he’ll never become for you.

I cried because of the lies I told myself,

The very same thing you’re about to do.

The day I left him I knew he would replace me with you.

He can’t be alone because of his darkness he can’t face.

There will always be another NEXT,

He must quickly put into place.

At first I used to feel a sense of envy for what I believed I lost to you.

As time went by my envy turned into sorrow,

For what he’s about to intentionally do.

After all of his lies, manipulation and the games of confusion,

I had to confront my own hard truth.

The man I feel in love with, was only an illusion.

I may not not who you are, no doubt you have heard my name.

His story of his victim-hood and how poorly I and others have treated him,

Will always remain the same.

He will quickly pretend to love you and buy you thoughtful things.

Don’t be fooled by the illusion of kindness, it simply will not last.

One day soon just like me,

You’ll witness the slipping of his mask.

The day you see the mask begin to fall,

Don’t ignore his controlling ways.

His ways that initially seems so small.

The entrance to your fairy tale life is about to close it’s doors.

The hurricane that ripped through my life

Is about to cause category five destruction in yours.

I wished that I could warn you, sadly, I know you wouldn’t believe me.

“She crazy, a cheater, or a liar,” he’s told you.

For his plan to work, this is who He MUST paint me out to be.

I know the story all to well of his crazy ex,

For it’s the same story I heard over and over.

It’s the story I believed as I,

Was being groomed to be his NEXT.

No doubt you are beautiful, smart and sweet.

I cried today not for the love I lost.

I cried for the love you now seek.

Not only are you beautiful, I am confident you are kind.

I pray you remember the light inside of you,

Once he start attempting to gas light your mind.

The gift I now give to you,

Is one of compassion, encouragement and love.

You are goodness, love and light.

You can make it without him when you look for your strength from above.

You’re not to sensitive, over reacting or confused.

It’s not your fault, you’re not crazy, worthless or unlovable.

Just because he hasn’t hit you yet, doesn’t mean you’re not being abused.

The tears I cried today, were not tears I cried for him.

You have no idea what you are about to go through.

The tears I cried today dear one, were tears I now shed for you.