Whether you are looking to start a long distance relationship, get married, start dating or just enjoying being single for now, there is something to be said for having a guide, a map, that you can use as a guide as you maneuver relationships in the new year. The following tips can serve as your coordinates and will help you establish boundaries for you and prospective partners. Below I have shared 11 relationship standards are designed to help you dramatically improve your love life. Once I firmly decided to follow all of these I finally created the relationship I wanted. You can see my husband and me in the pictures I’m sharing in this blog.
“I Will Set Higher Dating Standards and Respect Them By Not Settling for Less”
You have the right to set your own relationship standards. That’s not selfish. Don’t simply accept what someone is offering you. Don’t confuse this with the huge list women have been encouraged to make describing their “ideal man”. That single advise is keep so many women from experiencing amazing relationships.
I’m talking about what kind of relationship you want to have with a love and life partner. For example, choosing someone who respects life in all stages.
Only date someone you would be proud to marry with no regrets. Someone who respects you, your values, and your body. If you want to have children only open yourself up to a person who will be a good parent to your children, who won’t run away from commitment or responsibilities.
Raise your standards so that only those who are worthy can make it over them.
“I Will Establish Clear Relationship Goals. Both Short and Long Term.”
No more of this “let’s see what happens” or “Let’s see where this relationship takes us”. I’m all about not being rigid when it comes to life and relationships but we’ve got to have clarity for things to work.
It’s time to establish clear relationship goals. The key is that you are able to describe what the relationship you desire looks like at the beginning and through the stages as it matures. That way you avoid being trapped in a long term partnership that is not aligned with what your goals are.
You know that scene in movies were the woman has to ask, “Where is this relationship headed?” And the man answers, “Oh but I thought we were having fun and everything was going great!”. Don’t allow yourself to enter and remain in a relationship where you have no idea if it’s headed one way or the other.
“I Will Make Friends In Addition to Lovers”
If you look at older couples who have been together for years, you’ll probably notice that the friendship between them is strong.
For example, you should feel confident in confiding in your partner about most things. If you can’t because you feel there’s not enough trust. Or maybe he doesn’t take it seriously and you won’t be heard, then you might want to re assess the relationship.
“I Will Ask for What I Need from a Partner”
Playing games is a thing of the past for you. You’re done pretending to be someone you’re not to make your partner feel good. No more believing that when the relationship is more stable you can then be comfortable showing who you really are and what you really want from a relationship.
“I Will Give People a Chance Even If Initially They May Not Seem To Be My ‘Type’”
We’ve become programmed by movies and TV programs to believe that if you don’t see fireworks and feel all sorts of chemical reactions exploding in your body when you meet someone new (or during a relationship after the initial stages or excitement) then that’s not the right person for you or that you’re not in love anymore.
That’s a bunch of baloney. Especially if you’re an anxious person. You’ve learned to confuse that anxious feeling with something you should expect to feel from meeting a potential partner or even staying in a long term relationship. But that has nothing to do with compatibility.
Make sure you’re making possible love connection decision from your mind and your heart and not body reactions that are cemented in past experiences.
“I Will Pay Attention to Red Flags and Listen To My Intuition When Something Feels Off and Take Action Instead of Censoring It ”
You know that feeling you feel in deep in your gut when you meet someone and you can’t explain it because you’ve never met them before. I’m not talking about things like, “He’s not cute enough or he talks to much”. I’m talking about a very uncomfortable feeling that arises when you’re in their presence.
Make a point of listening to your internal voice. It’s there for a reason. It’s aim is to protect you. There are certain things your body can pick up on that your conscious mind misses. If you just can’t stomach being around someone or you just feel suspicious about a person’s intentions, don’t override that just because your friends or family are pressuring you.
“I Will Continue Having My Own Life Outside Of My Dating Life”
During dating and even marriage is important for women to “have their own life”. Now, let’s be clear here, I’m not talking about partying it up like you’re single and ready to mingle. I’m talking about your business, professional, personal, and entertainment goals.
When you join your life with someone else’s life (dating or marriage) it’s true that you will be incorporating each others interests and this will lead to a greater unification of the partnership you’re creating together. You will also discover brand new experiences and this is great because it expands your vision and possibilities in life.
After marriage, my husband and I started camping and that lead to purchasing and RV. We absolutely love being out basking in nature’s energy. It has become almost a priority for us.
Now what’s important to keep in mind is that this does not mean that you leave behind everything you love to do, your purpose, mission, goals in order to make a relationship work.
“I Will Date Someone Emotionally Available”
Oh, this was really a huge one for me! Every man I used to date was not emotionally available to enter a relationship. It created so much suffering and frustration for me. It really chipped away at my self love and confidence.
I conjured this belief that I wasn’t enough because every man I fell in love with would leave me. Of course, after working with a mentor I realized that it wasn’t really me but the men I was attracting myself to.
Now, the question is how do you know a man is not emotionally available? Below I’ll give you the key signs you can look for in unavailable men.
◘ Can’t commit to you, or have avoided commitment in past relationships.
◘ Tend to be emotionally distant, shut down, or can’t deal with relationship conflict.
◘ Abuse alcohol, drugs, prescription medications, sex, or other substances.
◘ Narcissistic (they only care about themselves and their needs).
◘ Only give you tiny insights into how they really feel and think.
◘ Prefer long distance relationships, emails, or texting (classic signs of emotionally unavailable men). Long distance relationships are common now because of online dating sites. But if he’s not making the effort and taking about making plans to eliminate that distance, then I’d be concerned.
◘ Are reluctant to introduce you to their friends, family, or coworkers. They keep you at arms length of their routines.
◘ Elusive, sneaky, or frequently working or tired. Workaholics (not an excuse) may be emotionally unavailable men.
“He Must Treat Me With Respect”
I know this one sounds like a given. But you’d be surprised at how we’ve been taught by society to tolerate and dismiss disrespect from men because we’re women and we’re supposed to be “good girls” who keep things calm and don’t confront or create conflict. We’re taught to keep things smooth for the benefit of men.
If a man doesn’t value your time, opinions, beliefs, etc. when you’re dating, “what makes you think he will value you once you’re in a more committed relationship?”
You don’t even have to double think about it if he’s verbally, emotionally or physically violent towards you. The first signs are for you to run away fast from this man.
“He Must Share Similar Values With Me”
This one can be sneaky, but it’s really the foundation for a successful and long loving relationship. A couple’s values must align for things work. If he likes to steal time and money from his company and you value integrity and honesty, well eventually that’s going to become a problem.
When he loves to travel, especially during the holidays, and for you the tradition of sharing with your family is a must, then it doesn’t having a crystal ball to predict huge conflict ahead.
The fact that he is into every single sport in existence. Plus, he insists on the game viewing parties in his house every weekend but you like a calm and clean home. Well, you can see how that’s a problem.
Don’t make the mistake so many women make by thinking, “Oh I’ll change him once we’re married or in a committed relationship!” Cause no one changes anyone. It’s true that sometimes men (as women) adapt and change their routines to accommodate their partners. But, it’s also true that if they feel forced to do it, bitterness and resentment seep in. Possibly, destroying the relationship in the end.
“He Must Follow Through With His Promises”
If he has a 1,000 excuses for everything…run! Yes of course things happen when you’re living life. When he’s late to every date, cancels lots of trips because of work, drastically changes plans often leaving you spinning your wheels, what do you think it’s going to be like living with him?
You mutually agreed to an exclusive dating relationship and he’s caught dating someone else. What would be a good excuse for that? (Hint, there is none!) Yet so many women forgive and give another chance. Women tell themselves, “Oh, we’re still just dating he would never do that if we were married”.
For a woman who follows through and takes commitment very seriously, this kind of relationship will become a nightmare for you. You’ll be filled with mistrust, stress, worry and anxiousness because you can’t know if he’ll keep his promise or not.
This new year brings in so many wonderful and amazing possibilities for you and your love life. Don’t dwell on the past. Learn the lessons and move on to bigger and better experiences. Enjoy the journey and be open to exploring different things. Remember that you’re the captain of your ship and the writer of your movie. Don’t allow someone else to decide what your relationships and life looks like.