It’s the most wonderful time of the year—or so they say. Everything has changed, including you. The way we’ve all spent the holidays historically has changed and is changing. You can either lead or be at the effect of the changes in your life right now. Here are some ways to stay in your power and to use life to your advantage this holiday season.
What if every trigger is a lesson and an opportunity to grow?
When you notice that you are upset or “triggered” the first step is to identify what is going on with YOU. What are you wanting that you are not getting? What are you feeling? Once you know what you want, what you are feeling, and you are completely out of blame, then and only then are you ready to communicate.
Replace expectations with communication.
If you are unwilling to give people an opportunity to work with you, then how are you going to preserve your relationships and stay close to anyone? No one is perfect. Everyone will eventually let you down in some way if you expect that. What if that’s not about them, but about you and your unhealed emotional wounds?
Wait until you are clear before you try to communicate with other people.
I believe that it is better to wait until you are clear and empowered than to have a hard conversation from a triggered place. Your work is how you show up. Other people’s reactions are their work. I am so clear that people are going to do what they are going to do. It’s always better for me when I give them a chance to understand where I am coming from and to give them an opportunity to be seen and heard. In my experience running away and shutting people out never works to create peace in me or connection with others. The lessons of our unhealed emotional wounds will repeat OR you can deal with them as the triggers present themselves and do the work to heal, get clear, and grow.
Be courageous and have the hard conversation.
Here are some hot tips for how to have a hard conversation:
Ask the person, “Is now a good time to talk?” If the answer is no, ask when he or she will be available that week.
Make sure that you are clear (not upset) before the conversation. This means you are out of drama, blame and victim thinking, and you are coming from leadership and solutions.
Stay unattached from wanting a particular outcome. When you walk into a hard conversation with an agenda it is automatically set up to lose.
Write out your answers before having the conversation to clear your head and to make sure you know what you want to say.
Have the conversations once you know the answers to ALL of the following questions:
- What is my intention for this conversation? What’s the result that you are seeking?
- What do I need? Knowing this is a game changer.
- Am I willing to stay 100% out of blame? Your triggers are always your work.
- Am I willing to only talk about my experience using I messages: I need, I want, I feel? Never underestimate the power of owning your experience.
- Am I willing to listen and hear the other person’s side. Their side matters.
- What do I want for the other person? Caring more breeds connection.
Stay in empowered leadership.
Every day we all have opportunities to move forward into much stronger leadership in our lives. What if the obstacles allow us to see our commitment level to our goals and dreams? Are you really committed to be the empowered leader of your life? If the answer is ‘yes,’ that means leadership no matter what! If the answer is no the Universe will keep asking, “Why not be the leader of your life?”
This year, the holidays are yours to create in a way that works for you and for your family. What matters now is what takes care of you and how you will give your love in a way that works for your life now. Let the rest go. Instead of loving less this holiday season, love more. And, know that your best is enough.