“If I was all alone with no one else around, what would I do?”
This is the question I ask myself to find out what I really want and need. This is how I unlock the power of my inner intuition and wisdom. This is how I become the woman I always searched for.
As a girl growing up, I constantly looked for a woman to imitate and look up to. My own mother was cold, unemotional, and caught up in her own fears and insecurities, so she was unable to provide the nurturing and understanding that I craved.
The culture I was raised in taught me to always belittle myself as being inferior and inadequate. Women were viewed as insignificant, and I believed that of myself even while struggling to find my own identity.
I’ve carried this mindset of inferiority throughout my life. But I also have a wealth of knowledge about how not to live the rest of my life. I have learned a lot about how lies and negative programming can affect my own perspective and life.
The most valuable lesson I have learned – and am still learning every day – is to trust myself and my deepest desires and instincts.
So much of the time, I look for confirmation from other people. It’s a natural habit of mine, resulting from the belief system that I was raised in. I automatically downplay myself, my abilities, and my inner wisdom as not being adequate or trustworthy.
But that lie just weakens me, and keeps me from living at my full potential. The freedom and fulfillment I crave comes when I actually realize that what I think and feel is valid. Making my decisions based on my true desires brings peace because I am being honest with myself, trusting my instincts, and not ignoring them.
What happens when I ignore my instincts? I’m saying that I don’t matter as a person, that I don’t have the right or worth to be trusted or respected. How can I be happy or achieve great things if I’m not even listening to myself? If I don’t respect myself, why should anyone else?
The most satisfying, liberating moments in my life have not been outward accomplishments, although I do love and celebrate those too. My greatest times have been when I broke free of the mental programming of my life and did what I truly wanted without apology. Another part of me comes alive, and I keep moving forward towards new possibilities with more freedom inside than I had before.
I always wanted to be a strong woman and looked for one to teach me. I just never realized that I had to look inside to find her.
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