For most people, confidence is crucial to achieving success. Without it most will flounder, despite their talents or strength. I know highly talented musicians, athletes, and business people who, because they lack confidence, don’t land the record deal, win their race, or start the business they’ve been dreaming of for years.

Simply put, they’re held hostage by fear, and this stems from a lack of confidence. The good news is that they can change. I know it because I’ve helped many do just that, and it doesn’t take years of therapy or medication. It takes drive, determination, and, most important, a willingness to change the way they think. You see, confidence isn’t found in a magical pill or a Hollywood superstar’s wardrobe. It’s already in you waiting to be tapped into.

  1. Watch your self-talk.  Is your narrative positive or negative? The former will encourage you to move forward, while the latter will keep you stuck. Imagine if every time Michael Jordan got the ball he thought, “I’m off my game, I’ll never make this basket.” How do you think he would have done? If you find you’re getting down on yourself, know that it’s your fears speaking. Whenever one is afraid or feels vulnerable, negative thinking kicks in. It is how we protect ourselves from what we fear might be a difficult or dangerous situation. The problem is, the mind of a person lacking confidence doesn’t always make a distinction between an actual dangerous situation (a life-threatening situation) and an imagined one. Taking your career to the next level, asking someone out on a date, or performing with all your heart will not kill you.
  2. Cut out the social comparisons. That’s right: Comparing yourself with others will not help you. So often clients tell me, “But my colleagues are so much better than I am.” Social comparisons serve no purpose and are merely excuses that will keep you stuck right where you are. If your mind starts to compare, ask yourself, “How will this help me? Does this move me closer to my goals or further away from them?”
  3.  Know what you want. Having direction and clarity of mind will help you move forward with confidence. The great Stephen Covey, mega best-selling author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and someone who endorsed my book, perhaps said it best: “If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.”
  4. Know your strengths. As with any venture, it is best to work from a solid foundation. Think of your confidence as a table top that is supported by four legs. Each leg needs to be solidly planted to support the table top. What are your strengths? What are you good at? Maintain your focus on what you are good at, not on what you perceive to be your shortcomings.
  5. Eliminate the “what-ifs”. This type of thinking is equivalent to getting under that table top and shaking a leg or two. It will destabilize your beliefs, introduce doubt into your thinking, and shake your foundation. Any time you start to think “what-if,” change your thinking to “I will.”
  6. Forget about being perfect. So often people don’t pursue things because they feel it has to be just right. They ruminate over how to approach things, conduct themselves, or say something to the point of getting filled with anxiety and either not taking any action at all or doing so in a way that lacks confidence.
  7. Open your mouth and speak. Simply put, open your mouth and say something. Anyone who has made a mark in this world has spoken up, presented their ideas, and taken a chance. Dare to say what you believe in. You might be pleasantly surprised by who listens to you and is impressed by your confidence in sharing your ideas.
  8. Be resilient.  There will be naysayers and those who doubt you, but don’t let that stop you from speaking up, taking a chance, and doing what you believe in. Criticism just means you got people thinking. Many who have taken confident and bold steps have faced resistance. Stay focused on what you believe in and forge ahead.

Is today your day to shine with confidence?

Originally published at


  • Jonathan Alpert

    Psychotherapist, executive performance coach, and author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. Twitter: @JonathanAlpert

    Jonathan Alpert is a psychotherapist, columnist, performance coach and author in Manhattan. As a psychotherapist, he has helped countless couples and individuals overcome a wide range of challenges and go on to achieve success. He discussed his results-oriented approach in his 2012 New York Times Opinion piece, “In Therapy Forever? Enough Already”, which continues to be debated and garner international attention. Alpert is frequently interviewed by major TV, print and digital media outlets and has appeared on the Today Show, CNN, FOX, and Good Morning America discussing current events, mental health, hard news stories, celebrities/politicians, as well as lifestyle and hot-button issues. He appears in the 2010 Oscar-winning documentary, Inside Job commenting on the financial crisis. With his unique insight into how people think and their motivations, Alpert helps clients develop and strengthen their brands. He has been a spokesperson for NutriBullet, Liberty Mutual insurance, and Enterprise Rent-A-Car. Jonathan’s 2012 book BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days has been translated into six languages worldwide. Alpert continues to provide advice to the masses through his, Huffington Post, and Thrive columns. @JonathanAlpert