“True leadership isn’t about managing people’s preferences, it’s about guiding them through change with objective principles. When you focus on what’s best for the team, not individual egos, that’s when real growth happens.”
– Brenda Neckvatal
Leadership isn’t just about guiding a team—it’s about mastering the art of navigating tough personalities, embracing change, and fostering a culture of growth. Today, we’re thrilled to sit down with Brenda Neckvatal, an expert in cutting through the noise of workplace drama and helping leaders transform their teams into high-performing powerhouses. With over three decades of experience, Brenda has made a name for herself by tackling some of the most challenging dynamics in business, from difficult personalities to team conflict.
In this candid and insightful interview, Brenda shares her secrets on managing difficult people, turning conflict into growth opportunities, and leading teams through the chaos of change. Whether you’re a seasoned leader or just starting out, Brenda’s advice will equip you with the tools to not only survive but thrive in any leadership role. Prepare to be inspired because this conversation is packed with actionable strategies and wisdom you won’t want to miss!
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your backstory?
Absolutely! I’m a recovering human resources professional with over 30 years of experience, and I’ve been affectionately called “The Grim Reaper” because of my HR background. I help leaders cut through workplace drama so they can grow their businesses and reach new heights. Recently, I became a three-time bestselling author, which I’m super proud of. I’m all about helping people navigate challenging situations, especially when dealing with difficult personalities in the workplace.
Congratulations on becoming a three-time bestselling author! That’s amazing. Speaking of difficult personalities, what inspired you to focus on helping leaders manage difficult people?
Thanks, Stacey! It’s all about the fact that every workplace has its share of challenging personalities. I’ve seen it firsthand. People often don’t realize that it’s not just about the difficult person but also about how we respond to them. If we can control our reactions and manage situations objectively, it makes a huge difference. Plus, difficult people can actually help teams grow if handled the right way.
That’s such a unique perspective. Can you talk more about the difference between positive and destructive conflict within teams?
Sure! Positive conflict is a healthy, productive debate where ideas are exchanged to improve processes. It’s constructive, and everyone feels heard. Destructive conflict, on the other hand, stems from ego and the need to have your perspective reign supreme. It’s not about finding solutions but about winning. The trick is to steer people towards productive conflict, where the focus is on the objective, not personal egos.
You mentioned earlier that ego often plays a role in team conflicts. How can leaders manage ego-driven behavior in a team?
Ego is a big factor. It’s natural for people to get attached to their ideas, but as leaders, we have to help them separate personal investment from the bigger objective. One great example is from the SEAL teams. They focus on the mission first. If an idea doesn’t align with the team’s objective, it’s discarded without ego. Leaders need to create a space where people feel comfortable sharing ideas but are also okay with letting go when those ideas don’t serve the larger goal.
That’s a great analogy! You talk a lot about diversity of thought. How important is that in building high-performing teams?
Diversity of thought is critical. It’s not just about demographics or background but about the different perspectives people bring to the table. We all come from different places, have had different experiences, and possess different strengths. High-performing teams embrace these differences and use them to their advantage. However, structure and rules are required to facilitate that kind of openness.
When a team is struggling with change, how can leaders help them transition smoothly?
Change is tough because it disrupts mastery. People are comfortable when they’ve mastered their tasks, so introducing change feels like someone’s dragging a needle across their record. Leaders need to prepare for the storming phase, where there’s a lot of discomfort and conflict. You have to give people time to adjust, provide clear communication, and help them through the process of normalizing and performing again.
That makes a lot of sense. You mentioned the “storming” phase of team development. Can you explain the different stages teams go through when adapting to change?
Sure! The stages are forming, storming, norming, and performing. In the forming stage, everyone is figuring out their roles and tasks. Storming is where conflict arises—people are uncomfortable, and everything feels chaotic. In the norming stage, things start to settle down as the team gets into a new rhythm. Finally, performing is where the team excels and delivers high-level results. Teams need to go through these stages, but leaders can help facilitate the transition.
When a new leader comes into an established team, how can they navigate the disruption that often occurs?
It’s definitely a challenge. A new leader disrupts the dynamic and introduces a learning curve for everyone. The key is transparency and communication. Leaders need to be upfront about their expectations, but also patient as the team adjusts. It’s also crucial to earn trust by showing consistency between words and actions. If a leader says they value feedback, they need to show it through their behavior, not just their words.
You’ve shared some amazing insights on managing difficult people. What are some common mistakes leaders make when dealing with difficult personalities?
One big mistake is addressing the whole team when the issue lies with one person. It frustrates those who are doing their jobs well and doesn’t solve the problem. Leaders should address the individual directly and ask open-ended questions like, “Help me understand what’s going on.” It’s non-confrontational and allows the person to express themselves without feeling attacked.
That’s a great tip. How do you handle someone who is competent but brings a lot of negativity to the team?
That’s tricky because you don’t want to lose someone who performs well, but negativity can poison the team’s culture. Leaders need to weigh the individual’s contribution against the impact on team cohesion. Sometimes, it’s a matter of setting clear expectations for behavior, and if the negativity continues, it may be time to let that person go. Protecting the culture is more important than keeping someone who just does the job.
You’ve touched on the importance of team dynamics, but how can leaders maintain morale during times of uncertainty or rapid change?
Great question! In times of uncertainty, it’s easy for morale to take a hit because people crave stability. The key is transparency. As a leader, you don’t need to have all the answers, but you do need to communicate openly. Let your team know what’s going on and what the expectations are, and most importantly, be there to listen. When people feel heard and understand the “why” behind the changes, they’re more likely to stay motivated. Celebrating small wins during these periods can also make a huge difference, even if things are tough.
What role does emotional intelligence play in leadership, especially when managing difficult people?
Emotional intelligence is everything in leadership, especially when dealing with challenging personalities. It’s about being self-aware, understanding your own emotions, and managing them before reacting. A leader who flies off the handle or gets defensive will only escalate the conflict. But if you approach a difficult situation with empathy and self-control, it completely changes the dynamic. People often mirror your energy. If you stay calm and composed, it sets the tone for how others react. Emotional intelligence allows you to be more patient, thoughtful, and strategic in your responses.
How can leaders foster an environment where open communication is encouraged, especially when team members are hesitant to speak up?
That’s a big challenge, but it starts with the leader. If a leader is approachable and consistently asks for input—genuinely listens—people will feel safer to share their thoughts. One tactic I recommend is regular check-ins, but not just about tasks. Ask how people are feeling about the process, the work environment, and any challenges they’re facing. When people see that feedback is acted upon, they’re more likely to keep the lines of communication open. And remember, it’s not enough to say you have an open-door policy. You have to show it by your actions—being present, approachable, and responsive to concerns.
You recently released your new book Mission Ready. Can you tell us more about it?
Yes! Mission Ready: Building High-Performing Teams from the Battlefield to the Boardroom is co-authored with my friend, retired Navy SEAL William Branham. He shares leadership lessons from his military experience, and I complement it with my people-focused leadership strategies. The book emphasizes objective leadership principles, focusing on mission over personal preferences, and it’s designed to help leaders drive real results.
It sounds like a must-read for leaders! How does Mission Ready differ from your previous books?
This book combines military precision with human resource expertise. It’s practical and principle-based, focusing on building teams that are not only high-performing but also cohesive. What sets it apart is the balance between leadership tactics and people management, which is something every leader needs to master.
You’re launching some exciting new leadership programs. Can you share more about those?
Yes, I’m really excited about my new course, Lead with Fortitude. It’s a 10-part series on dealing with difficult people. The first chapter is available for $37, and the full program takes a deep dive into managing stress, understanding personality dynamics, and leading with empathy. It’s designed to give leaders the tools they need to navigate the complexities of managing people.
That sounds like an incredible resource. What would you say is the biggest challenge leaders face today?
The biggest challenge is managing change while keeping the team cohesive. Change disrupts the comfort zone, and if it’s not handled properly, it can lead to chaos. Leaders need to prepare their teams for the discomfort and guide them through the process with clear communication and support.
Before we wrap up, what’s one final piece of advice you’d like to leave our readers with?
Give yourself grace as a leader. Leadership is tough, and you’re going to make mistakes. What matters is how you learn from those mistakes and move forward. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being persistent and staying committed to growth—for yourself and your team.
That’s such powerful advice. How can our readers further follow your work online?
The easiest way to connect with me is through my website, yoBrenda.com. You’ll find all my courses, books, and leadership programs there, plus some free resources, like my Impact Script course, which offers great tools for navigating difficult conversations. I’d love to hear from your readers!
Thank you so much, Brenda! It’s been such a pleasure having you on the show.
Thank you, Stacey! It’s always a joy to be here.
