As the New Year is nesting and making itself at home, I find myself rewinding the scripts, journeys and experiences of the last 12 months in well-deserved details. The year of many trials, errors and lessons. The year of stretching the will, then the freewill, then the body, the soul and the mind. The year that forced me to look into every nook and cranny, hit many dead ends and sharp corners, and visited places I definitely had refused to even have a peak have a peek at before. Dr. Joe Dispenza says “Life is not happening to you. Life is RESPONDING TO YOU.” So the life responded to me — shaking me deeply and powerfully. An emotional purge, transforming, enabling, encouraging, breaking at times only to reveal intensity of deaths and rebirths taking place simultaneously, giving space to anew while carving own paths. Against my stubbornness. Against my blindness. Against hanging onto something that probably never existed anyway.
While I reminisce all that once took place in past time reality, I celebrate the gains and burry the losses. I bow to the dark nights of the soul, keeping me screaming at the feelings felt and thoughts thought on this never ending journey of the evolution of SELF. And I am still so UNDONE. Never will be. Yet, I cherish each and every lesson given and received. Accept the ones still awaiting processing to get me closer to self – acceptance and self — love
I feel the joy of ignited ideas, pride of completed projects, anxiousness of the ones just conceived, miles run and climbed, people met, places visited. I feel the strength given. Doubt dissipated. Good deeds delivered. I feel standing firmly on the ground with my head always in the clouds:) and a fuzzy sense of delight. I finally get the difference between what I want and who I AM. I AM not what I want nor I AM what I Have. I am neither a memory remembered by others. I AM FLUID.
The journey to Self is not a popularity contest. It is not about being nice and pleasing to others but rather about being authentic and real to create boundaries for self — care where being nice just happen to happened …….
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Originally published at blog.sivanaspirit.com