“Healing starts with acknowledging your emotions and giving yourself permission to seek help. You don’t have to face your struggles alone—sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is reach out and take that first step toward joy and resilience.”
– Nelanthini Rajesan
Mental health has become a central conversation in today’s world, but the journey to destigmatize it and provide access to resources for all communities is far from complete. For individuals in marginalized communities, the challenges are compounded by cultural stigma, generational trauma, and limited access to care. Nelanthini Rajesan, a certified transformation coach and life coach, has made it her mission to break these cycles, offering guidance and support to individuals striving to reclaim their mental and emotional well-being. As a daughter of refugees who fled civil war and genocide, Nelanthini’s story is one of resilience, self-discovery, and a deep commitment to helping others rewrite their own narratives.
In this insightful and candid conversation, Nelanthini opens up about her personal experiences growing up in a household shaped by survival and fear, and how it motivated her to become an advocate for mental health. She shares practical strategies for managing anxiety, setting boundaries, and creating a life aligned with your true self. Whether you’re navigating the complexities of family dynamics during the holidays or simply seeking to better understand your mental health, Nelanthini’s wisdom and actionable advice will leave you inspired to take the next step on your journey to healing and growth.
Thank you so much for joining us, Nelanthini! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you start by sharing a bit about your backstory?
Absolutely, Stacey. I’m the daughter of refugees who fled Sri Lanka during a brutal civil war. My parents survived unimaginable trauma, including a genocide targeting the Tamil minority. When they arrived in Canada, they carried not only physical exhaustion but also emotional scars—PTSD, anxiety, and survival guilt. But back then, there were no discussions about mental health, no resources, and certainly no understanding of what they were experiencing. In our culture, mental health was deeply stigmatized. These wounds weren’t treated; they were hidden. Growing up in that environment, I absorbed their survival mindset, their fears, and their anxieties. For years, I didn’t even realize the weight I was carrying. It wasn’t until I began unpacking those layers, piece by piece, that I discovered my passion for mental health advocacy. Now, I want to help others in similar situations realize they can break those cycles and create a new narrative for their lives.
How did this background shape your understanding of mental health?
Growing up, mental health wasn’t just misunderstood—it was ignored. In our community, there were phrases like, “what stays in the house stays in the house,” or “just pray on it.” These weren’t meant to harm; they were coping mechanisms rooted in fear and cultural stigma. But they silenced us. They kept us from seeking help, from understanding what we were going through. Witnessing that firsthand, I saw how generational trauma festers when it’s left unaddressed. It doesn’t just disappear—it grows and impacts everyone it touches. This realization made me determined to normalize conversations around mental health. It’s not just a personal journey; it’s generational healing. When we address these issues, we stop passing them down, and that’s how we create a healthier future for everyone.
Do you think society has made enough progress in how we view mental health?
We’ve made incredible strides, but we still have a long way to go. Today, people talk about mental health more openly, which is a huge step forward. There are more resources, online therapy options, and community discussions. But there’s still a fundamental misunderstanding. Many people don’t know the difference between mental health and mental illness. Mental health is about your overall emotional and psychological well-being, whereas mental illness involves specific conditions like anxiety, depression, or PTSD that affect how you think and behave. Until we close this knowledge gap, stigma will remain. And let’s not forget the systemic barriers—cultural stigma, lack of accessibility, and financial constraints—that still prevent many from getting the help they need. So yes, progress is happening, but it’s far from over.
That stigma can be so overwhelming. For those struggling with mental health challenges, what would you say is the first step?
The first step is to pause and truly check in with yourself. Often, when people realize something’s wrong, they go into panic mode. Their minds race, their hearts pound, and they start spiraling. Before anything else, stop and breathe. Acknowledge what you’re feeling. Ask yourself, “What’s going on? Why do I feel this way?” Awareness is powerful—it’s the foundation of healing. Once you’ve paused, the next step is to reach out for help. Whether it’s talking to a friend, researching online therapy options, or even seeking free counseling services through schools or workplaces, there are resources out there. Taking that first step might feel like climbing a mountain, but it’s also the moment when you take back control of your life.
Many people struggle with anxiety and find themselves overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts, especially at night. Based on your experience, what strategies can people use to calm their minds during these moments?
Nighttime is uniquely challenging because it’s quiet. There’s nothing to distract you, so your thoughts can become overwhelming. I’ve experienced this firsthand, and one of the most effective tools for me is journaling. I keep a notebook by my bed and write down everything that’s swirling in my head—no matter how chaotic or incomplete it feels. Getting those thoughts onto paper can make them feel less powerful, less consuming. Another strategy is self-talk. I ask myself, “What am I really afraid of?” or “What’s the root of this feeling?” Often, just naming the fear helps diminish its intensity. Lastly, grounding techniques—like lying flat on the floor, feeling the ground beneath you, or taking slow, deep breaths—can bring you back to the present moment. It’s about acknowledging the anxiety without letting it take over.
How does growing up in a marginalized community add to the complexity of addressing mental health?
Marginalized communities face a double burden. On one hand, there’s often a cultural stigma surrounding mental health. In my community, struggles were dismissed with phrases like, “pray about it” or “don’t air your dirty laundry.” On the other hand, systemic barriers—like limited access to resources, language barriers, and financial constraints—make getting help even harder. The result? Silence. People suffer quietly because they don’t feel safe to share or seek support. Breaking this cycle requires a two-pronged approach: education and safe spaces. We need to educate communities about what mental health truly means and create environments where people can express themselves without fear of judgment. Only then can we start addressing the unique challenges marginalized communities face.
You spoke about the importance of compassion, especially in high-stress environments like family gatherings. How can someone practice compassion toward themselves in these situations?
Self-compassion is a game changer. It begins with acknowledging that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, triggered, or even drained. That doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. I like to remind myself that I’m doing the best I can with the tools I have. Taking a pause is one way I practice self-compassion. Whether that means stepping outside for fresh air, excusing myself to another room, or simply taking deep breaths, it helps me reset. Setting boundaries is another powerful act of self-compassion. By saying, “I value myself enough to protect my peace,” you’re affirming your worth. Remember, you don’t have to perform or please everyone, especially at the expense of your own well-being.
The holidays can be a particularly stressful time. What advice would you give to those feeling anxious about family gatherings?
The holidays are often painted as a time of joy and connection, but for many, they’re full of unresolved emotions and complicated dynamics. My best advice is to go into these gatherings prepared. Think about your triggers and how you might respond to them. If a certain topic comes up that you know will upset you, practice redirecting the conversation or excusing yourself. Give yourself permission to take breaks. Whether it’s stepping outside, finding a quiet corner, or even leaving early, it’s okay to prioritize your mental health. And remember, not everything requires a reaction. Sometimes, showing compassion and choosing to disengage from negativity can protect your peace.
Anxiety is such a common issue, especially during high-stress times. What are some tools you use to manage it?
Anxiety often feels like a storm you can’t escape, but there are ways to navigate it. Grounding techniques are my first line of defense. I might tap my wrist or chest, take deep breaths, or even lie flat on the floor to physically ground myself in the present moment. Journaling is another tool that’s transformed my anxiety. By writing down my thoughts, I can untangle them and identify the root cause. Physical activity, like a walk in nature, also helps release pent-up energy and reset my mind. Everyone’s path is different, but the key is to explore and find what works for you. Anxiety doesn’t have to control you—you can take steps to regain control.
How do you personally define success?
For me, success isn’t about ticking boxes or meeting societal expectations. It’s about living a life that feels aligned with who I truly am. It’s about joy, connection, and authenticity. Success might look like meaningful relationships, small daily victories, or simply waking up and feeling excited about the day ahead. When I work with clients, the moment they reconnect with their purpose or rediscover their inner joy, that’s success to me. It’s not about what you achieve—it’s about how you feel while you’re achieving it.
What’s the biggest misconception people have about mental health?
The biggest misconception is that seeking help makes you weak. In reality, it’s one of the strongest things you can do. Mental health is just as important as physical health. If you broke your leg, you wouldn’t try to walk it off—you’d see a doctor. The same should be true for emotional pain. It’s time we normalize taking care of our minds with the same care and urgency we give our bodies.
What’s one message you hope readers take away from this conversation?
You don’t have to face your struggles alone. If you could solve it on your own, you would have by now. Reaching out for help—whether it’s from a therapist, a coach, or even a trusted friend—can change everything. You deserve joy, peace, and abundance, and those things are closer than you think. Often, it’s just one phone call, email, or Google search away.
Before we wrap up, can you tell our readers about the services you provide?
Of course! I’m a certified transformation coach and life coach. I use cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to help clients navigate life’s challenges, whether they’re dealing with grief, job loss, or a sense of disconnection from themselves. I like to think of myself as a guide on my clients’ hero’s journeys, helping them transform their lives into something that feels deeply fulfilling.
How can our readers connect with you?
The easiest way to reach me is on social media at @nel.rajesan or on LinkedIn. You can also visit my website at www.nelrajesan.com to learn more about my work and services. I love hearing from people, whether they want to share how my story resonated with them or just need someone to talk to. Helping even one person reconnect with their light is what drives me every day.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights and wisdom. This has been such an inspiring conversation!
Thank you, Stacey. It’s been an absolute pleasure, and I hope this helps someone take that first brave step toward their healing journey.
Nelanthini Rajesan is a certified Transformation and Life Coach dedicated to empowering individuals to overcome life’s challenges and rediscover their purpose. Drawing on her expertise in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and her personal journey as the daughter of refugees, Nelanthini specializes in helping clients navigate grief, anxiety, and feelings of being “stuck” in life. Through her tailored coaching methods, she inspires clients to embrace their hero’s journey, align with their authentic selves, and create lives filled with joy, balance, and fulfillment. Her work is deeply rooted in compassion, resilience, and the belief that transformative change is always possible.