At a TED talk, psychologist Phillip Zimbardo spoke about how men are failing socially, academically, and with women. His TED talk struck a nerve with me.

The debate is on about how we as a nation are failing our boys and men, and many fingers, including Zimbardo’s, are pointing to our technology-driven society (namely violent video games and easy access to pornography) and schools that aren’t as “boy friendly.”

I agree: it is time we step up to the plate and support our boys early on, before they become disengaged, failed men.

Our boys are immersed in technology that is altering their brains.

The shift in our culture toward increased technology time – television, video games, the internet, and social media – is not without consequence.

Whenever you watch anything on television, your imagination pulls you into what you’re watching. As a result, you react emotionally as if whatever is happening on television is actually happening to you. Consider that the average American youth spends approximately 50 hours per week in front of some sort of screen or another, whether playing video and computer games or watching television. That’s a LOT of screen time, to say the least. Consistent exposure to violent video games, television shows, and movies, as well as pornography, can impact the brain and actually alter its architecture.

What does this mean? It means that the more our boys play violent video games or watch violent TV shows, the more emotionally and psychologically incapable they become of interacting and dealing with the real world, as the technology works to remove them further and further from reality.

As a result, boys are shyer and more socially awkward with girls and because by the age of 21, men have played at least 10,000 hours of video games in isolation, they are now out of sync with the language and social rules of face to face contact. Further, availability of online pornography, a 15 billion dollar annual business, is changing and rewiring the way boys relate to girls and women. Watching approximately 15 pornography images a week, boys are becoming more highly aroused and addicted to novelty.

Our boys are losing critical social skills by being tied to technology.

The impersonal culture of the internet stands to block the capability of our nation’s boys from turning into our nation’s leaders. True social interaction, necessary for adult success in work and in life, isn’t being taught to these boys because they are immersed in mostly virtual relationships without consequences. In a way, boys who spend too much time interacting only online and through video games stay immature because they don’t get to experience the real consequences of their feelings, thoughts, and actions; they don’t learn how to deal. They’re not learning the social skills one needs to succeed in the world as a functioning adult.

Our boys are falling behind and dropping out of academics

As boys sink further socially, so too, do they sink academically. A recent Gallup Student Poll suggests that boys have a weaker emotional connection with school as early as fifth grade, and that more than one in four boys are not engaged or actively disengaged in fifth grade.

Some researchers suggest that boys are disengaged and getting lower grades in class because our schools are not “boy-friendly.” In their book, The Rise of Women: The Growing Gender Gap in Education and What It Means for American Schools, Thomas A. DiPrete and Claudia Buchmann, sociology professors at Columbia and Ohio State, state that “Boys involved in extracurricular cultural activities such as music, art, drama, and foreign languages report higher levels of school engagement and get better grades than other boys. But these activities are often denigrated as un-masculine.”

So what can we do about it? I’ll share some simple strategies that all parents can incorporate into their family’s lives in my next article. 

Author(s)

  • Dr. Gail Gross

    Author and Parenting, Relationships, and Human Behavior Expert

    Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., a member of the American Psychological Association (APA) and member of APA Division 39, is a nationally recognized family, child development, and human behavior expert, author, and educator. Her positive and integrative approach to difficult issues helps families navigate today’s complex problems. Dr. Gross is frequently called upon by national and regional media to offer her insight on topics involving family relationships, education, behavior, and development issues. A dependable authority, Dr. Gross has contributed to broadcast, print and online media including CNN, the Today Show, CNBC's The Doctors, Hollywood Reporter, FOX radio, FOX’s The O’Reilly Factor, MSNBC, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Times of India, People magazine, Parents magazine, Scholastic Parent and Child Magazine, USA Today, Univision, ABC, CBS, and KHOU's Great Day Houston Show. She is a veteran radio talk show host as well as the host of the nationally syndicated PBS program, “Let’s Talk.” Also, Dr. Gross has written a semi-weekly blog for The Huffington Post and has blogged at EmpowHER.com since 2013. Recently, Houston Women's Magazine named her One of Houston's Most Influential Women of 2016. Dr. Gross is a longtime leader in finding solutions to the nation’s toughest education challenges. She co-founded the first-of-its kind Cuney Home School with her husband Jenard, in partnership with Texas Southern University. The school serves as a national model for improving the academic performance of students from housing projects by engaging the parents. Dr. Gross also has a public school elementary and secondary campus in Texas that has been named for her. Additionally, she recently completed leading a landmark, year-long study in the Houston Independent School District to examine how stress-reduction affects academics, attendance, and bullying in elementary school students, and a second study on stress and its effects on learning. Such work has earned her accolades from distinguished leaders such as the Dalai Lama, who presented her with the first Spirit of Freedom award in 1998. More recently, she was honored in 2013 with the Jung Institute award. She also received the Good Heart Humanitarian Award from Jewish Women International, Perth Amboy High School Hall of Fame Award, the Great Texan of the Year Award, the Houston Best Dressed Hall of Fame Award, Trailblazer Award, Get Real New York City Convention's 2014 Blogging Award, and Woman of Influence Award. Dr. Gross’ book, The Only Way Out Is Through, is available on Amazon now and offers strategies for life’s transitions including coping with loss, drawing from dealing with the death of her own daughter. Her next book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, is also available on Amazon now and teaches parents how to enhance their child’s learning potential by understanding and recognizing their various development stages. And her first research book was published by Random House in 1987 on health and skin care titled Beautiful Skin. Dr. Gross has created 8 audio tapes on relaxation and stress reduction that can be purchased on Amazon.com. Most recently, Dr. Gross’s book, The Only Way Out is Through, was named a Next Generation Indie Book Awards Silver Medal finalist in 2020 and Winner of the 2021 Independent Press Awards in the categories of Death & Dying as well as Grief. Her latest book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, was the National Parenting Product Awards winner in 2019, the Nautilus Book Awards winner in 2019, ranked the No. 1 Best New Parenting Book in 2019 and listed among the Top 10 Parenting Books to Read in 2020 by BookAuthority, as well as the Next Generation Indie Book Awards Gold Medal winner in 2020 and Winner of the 2021 Independent Press Awards in the category of How-To. Dr. Gross received a BS in Education and an Ed.D. (Doctorate of Education) with a specialty in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of Houston. She earned her Master’s degree in Secondary Education with a focus on Psychology from the University of St. Thomas in Houston. Dr. Gross received her second PhD in Psychology, with a concentration in Jungian studies. Dr. Gross was the recipient of Kappa Delta Pi An International Honor Society in Education. Dr. Gross was elected member of the International English Honor Society Sigma Tau Delta.