Memoirist Anais Nin said, “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

What a powerful statement. The frame we put around our life might not be the truth. It’s how we see it. Which means we can also change the way we see it.

How we see things is directly related to what we have experienced, what we have read, who we have met, and where we have lived.

We create core beliefs and it’s hard to change them. Recently I read about the Backfire Effect. The article said that when our beliefs are challenged, we actually have a response like we are being physically attacked and we counteract that feeling by fighting even more for the belief. As if we are fighting for our life.

What if we decided that the belief we had to fight for was that we could do anything? That we could make all our dreams come true? That we could start a new chapter in our life story today and completely re-write the ending? What if all our fight or flight energy went into the belief that we have everything we need to be the change we wish to see?

The only thing stopping us from becoming all we need to be is the person in our head. Let’s give that person something different to fight for.

Photo Credit: Keildh Ewan

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” Anais Nin

Originally published at on May 5, 2017.

Originally published at


  • Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

    Mother-of-three. Freelance writer. Author. #HuffPost blogger. Believer in dreams.

    Siobhan Kukolic is a storyteller at heart. She writes to inspire the belief that we have all we need to be the change we wish to see. She recently published her first book, available on Amazon and Indigo. The Treasure You Seek is about following your heart, believing in yourself beyond reason, embracing failure and knowing that you are enough. It includes inspirational stories about famous failures, cultural icons, world leaders and regular folks like you and me. The goal is to remind us that we have all we need to be the change we wish to see. A perfect read for graduates from elementary school through university, people starting their career, changing jobs or retiring, friends going through a medical crisis, new parents, empty nesters and anyone who wants to be inspired. She started her career as a copywriter working on campaigns for organizations including Esso, Mead Johnson Nutrition, Grand & Toy, Labatt, and SC Johnson. While raising her kids, she volunteered as co-chair of her school council for seven years, helped get eight 20-foot maples donated for an eco-classroom and co-ordinated the building of a school peace garden with 115 donated trees and shrubs for Earth Day. She co-founded a not-for-profit movement called Blueberry Shark, named after a healthy fruit and the only animal that doesn't get cancer, with a mission to create the healthiest kids in the world. By providing a voice for those who didn't have one, she rallied enough media attention to help crowd-fund $105,000 in two weeks to pay for an unfunded drug for a mother of two dying of stage-four brain cancer. She also used media attention to nudge the government to change drug coverage policy right before an election and get a $360,000 a year drug covered for a 12-year-old cystic fibrosis patient. Her letters to the editor are frequently published in the National Post and she has represented her neighbourhood by making deputations at city council and the school board. She spends her time blogging, speaking to students and corporations about grit, and juggling the schedules of her three kids as they follow their dreams in competitive Irish dance and ice hockey.