I recently joined a group coaching program called Magic, Mission, Money. The name alone had me hooked and I knew I had to be in. Prior to joining the program I was feeling a little lost. Not really knowing what direction I wanted to take in my business. And one of the first questions our facilitator asked is, “What if the magic is in the mess?”
And so this forms the basis of my post today. Because right now, I feel like a total mess.
This is something I’ve resisted sharing because I wanted to look like I’m in control. Like I have it all together. Like my business is perfectly mapped out and I know exactly where I’m going.
But sometimes I really don’t. And since talking my thoughts through with the group I realised I’m not alone in this. So I wanted to share this in case you’re out there feeling the same way.
What do you want to do with your life?
As kids we were often asked, ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’. There was this obsession with looking to the future, instead of focusing on being happy in the present moment.
It’s no wonder we grow up always seeking the next thing on our list.
Once we got to high school the focus was deciding what we were going to do afterwards. In our family, that meant going to uni. So I worked hard, got good grades, and got accepted into my first choice, Journalism.
But was that really what I wanted to do?
I remember reading through the prospectus with my parents. Not really having a clue what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I mean, what 17 year old has really experienced enough to know how they want to live the rest of their life? I settled on Journalism because I loved writing and English was my favourite subject.
Plus I loved fashion and travel so I either thought I could work in a fashion magazine or be a travel writer.
I also chose a second major – Performance Studies – to satisfy the dreamer in me. Part of me always wanted to be an actress.
Is study really that important?
After 12 years of school I wasn’t quite ready to go straight into more study, so I took a gap year and went travelling.
By the time I got back, something within me had changed. But what else was I going to do? My path was already laid out for me. So off to uni I went.
I went through primary and high school as a model student. Squid (lol where do kids come up with this stuff), nerd, teacher’s pet. Whatever you want to call it. That was me!
But once I got to uni, something was different. I discovered living. Not only had I become more obsessed with travel, but I also started going out, I discovered music festivals, and of course boys. Suddenly, studying wasn’t really my top priority.
In my second year I switched majors. People got in my head about how acting wasn’t a viable career path and I was wasting my time, so I dropped that and went for Journalism + Professional & Creative Writing instead. The safe, reliable option.
And by third year, I ditched the second degree altogether. I skipped classes all the time and just did the bare minimum for my remaining degree. This straight A high school student was starting to rebel. It’s a wonder I even graduated.
Once I did graduate I’d already started working my way up the corporate banking ladder, and I was earning way more money than I’d ever earn if I took an entry level Journalism job, so I decided to do nothing with the degree anyway.
And therein lies one of the problems with our society. Why are we putting so much pressure on 17 year olds to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives?
Why aren’t we teaching them more important things like self love, embodiment, spirituality? Oh I know why, it doesn’t serve the system to have too many spiritually awakened people running around messing up their machine.
Do you really need a plan?
People often tell you to plan out your future. What does your 5 year, 10 year, 20 year plan look like?
We did this in high school when we were preparing for university. We did it in uni when we were planning our careers. I spent half my corporate career reviewing my next move. And I climbed very quickly, but the high of reaching one of the most coveted roles eventually wore off, once I realised this was going to be the REST OF MY LIFE!
And then depression set in. Thankfully, instead of opting for drugs, I chose to delve into the world of personal development and eventually quit my job to start an online business.
But the pressure didn’t go away. The same questions kept coming up. What’s your 12 month goals, 5 year goals, 10 year goals…
I totally understand the idea of dreaming BIG. But do you really need to map out your entire life to be able to visualise what’s possible?
To me the planning always felt so stifling. It got to the point where I’ve resisted planning anything because I don’t want to be restricted.
I change my mind daily based on how I feel in the moment.
Which means I don’t want to open my calendar too far out in advance for clients because I don’t know if I’m going to feel like holding space for them in a month’s time. Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m going to feel like it tomorrow.
And so there’s this inner voice saying, maybe client work isn’t for you? One day I’m excited, the next I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want my calendar to become full.
Where should we focus?
Now I know everyone’s different. Which is why I’ve ended up in this predicament in the first place. I was trying to do business the way other people were telling me, instead of what felt right for me.
So I’m not here to tell you “this is what you have to do.” I’m here to encourage you to get comfortable with things being messy. To look at what YOU value and what YOU want. And go from there.
Dream big. But don’t get attached to the idea of how that has to look.
As long as you’re staying true to your values, and it FEELs good, that’s what’s most important.
So this is what I do know for me…
I value freedom. Get inspired by nature. I need to be able to do things on my terms. It’s why the 9-5 structure didn’t suit me. I hated being stuck in an office, knowing exactly how every day looked. So monotonous.
I knew that couldn’t be all there was to life.
I love being creative. Writing, theatre, dance, style, photography – these are what light me up.
I need to constantly be experiencing new things. Which can be difficult in business because my head is always thinking up new, exciting ideas, but not always executing.
I’m an introvert (INFP) and a Projector so I thrive off being on my own.
This is why content creation is my happy place. Whether I’m recording videos, writing blog posts, talking on podcasts. It’s where I feel the most joy. I just get to do my own thing and share value with the world in my unique way.
It’s also why I love creating courses and workshops, this way I can still serve people even when I don’t feel like showing up.
What if the magic is in the mess?
This morning on our weekly Magic, Mission, Money coaching call we began with a meditation to the song Blessed We Are by Peia Luzzi. It was so moving and reminded me of how powerful and creative we women are, especially when we come together.
During the meditation I had this voice in my head quietly saying ‘you need to be writing, you need to be writing’.
You see for the last year, I’ve been thinking about writing a book.
I studied Journalism because English was my best subject. Started blogging because I love writing. I can easily write 100 Instagram captions in a few hours.
At the end of the meditation I felt this pull to start writing, and words just flowed out of me.
This is usually what happens.
Even as a kid, I was always journalling. Writing is in me. It feels so natural and calming, and brings me such joy.
Especially knowing my words have the potential to move and inspire people all over the world.
But I got it in my head that business needed to look a certain way. So I started to limit myself from showing up in the places that truly feel magical for me.
I did exactly what everyone tells you not to do, I moved away from my zone of genius, because I was trying so hard to model the business models of my mentors.
But not anymore. In all the mess, I’ve been able to learn more about myself. I’ve tried things and been able to see what I like and don’t like. Uncovering how I like to work. Making new discoveries about myself that teach me I’m on the right track and just need to trust myself.
This is how I know writing, content creation, course creation is all the right path for me. At least right now. It’s what I keep being called to. It’s what feels good for me. And it’s where I am able to have the most impact.
When nothing is sure, everything is possible
I’m here to play in magic. In fact, my archetype is the ‘Magician’ (who would’ve thought? Lol)
And today I learned the saying we live by is: “When nothing is sure, everything is possible.”
So I’m abandoning the “should’s” and the plans. And I’m trusting that the magic is in the mess. Trusting in my intuition to guide me. Knowing the universe always has my back, and the more I surrender, the more magic unfolds.
This is why I love getting to know myself better. It helps me to show up in ways that feel good and aligned to me.
I encourage you to learn more about yourself. The deeper you go, the more you can call in what you truly desire.
And I’ll leave you with this question… Where’s somewhere you’ve been doing things because you thought you had to, rather than because you wanted to?