Whether you will be the second-time mom or a friend of a soon-to-be second-time parent, you must be wondering:

Is it rude to have a baby shower for a second child? Is it tacky or greedy or selfish? What’s the second baby gift etiquette?

The answer:

It depends.

The point of a baby shower is to “shower” the person with gifts.

That’s why some think that a second baby shower should be more of a “sprinkle”. It shouldn’t be the big splash that the first baby shower was. It’s the “light” version. The appetizer of baby showers.

This means:

You keep it simple.

You can make it a breakfast or lunch. Perhaps just a wine and cheese.
You have a smaller, more intimate guest list. Maybe just family and close friends. You could also have a co-ed shower.

You also want to be careful about gifts. You might not want to send out a formal baby shower list.

The experienced mother already has the big ticket items – the stroller, crib etc. Now she just needs the gifts for a second baby – the diapers, wipes etc.
Keep in mind, things do break, expire, get worn out. This list of second baby gifts is much longer than you would think.

Also, people actually love buying baby things! They’re so cute. Getting a gift might not be the burden the second-time moms think it is.

You also don’t need to have games or a theme although it’s always fun to make the extra effort.

All that said…

Some think it’s only appropriate to have a shower if the second baby is a different gender or the older child is significantly older (over 3 years difference in age – the baby can’t use a lot of the older child’s products).

Bottom line:

It’s entirely up to you.

Just because of these issues, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a baby shower.

The point of a baby shower is to get together and celebrate the occasion. The arrival of baby #2 should be celebrated as much as baby #1. The second child is already going to be dealing with hand-me downs for the rest of his or her life.

It’s also a celebration that the older child is going to be a sibling! Being a big sister or brother is a big deal. It completely changes the family dynamic.

If gifts are an issue, you could always just say “no gifts” in the invitation.
Don’t feel like you have to hold back the love you have for the second child.

My experience?

I didn’t have a second baby shower.

This was because of COVID. If the lockdown wasn’t in place, I would have likely had a baby shower.

These milestones should be celebrated. Babies are a miracle. A lot of people can’t have children. Babies are not easily conceived. Some parents experience long and emotional struggles to have a child. Children are a blessing.

Even though I didn’t have a second baby shower, my friends still decided to come by my house together and bring gifts and food. We had a socially distanced get together that was similar to a baby shower. I’m so glad we did it. It’s a memory I will never forget.