Attracting women has been something I started spending a great deal of time thinking about because — well — I’ve come across too many men during my world travels who suck at it.
So recently, I started asking my female friends and past partners, “What attracts you to certain types of men?”
I’ve asked this question to Serbian, Italian, Japanese, American, Canadian, and Albanian women, Ad Infinitum.
You get the point.
And typically, their responses are WYSIWYG:
– Confidence.
– Good conversational skill
– Physical attraction
– Ambitiousness
– Self-aware
– Blah, Blah, Blah.
But I noticed these responses lack foundation because they don’t provide insight into why women like these characteristics or qualities.
Basically, what the heck is so appealing about ambitiousness?
So, I did more technical and personal research and came across two interesting things.
After years of interaction with different women, I realized women are attracted to men who make them feel a particular way. Emphasis on feel.
Whether you challenge her opinions, make her smile or laugh, make her cry, or even make her feel disgusted with you- eliciting an emotional response is important.
For example, take a moment and think about why cliché “bad boys” are successful with some women.
Second, after weeks of studying articles like “Why We Want Who We Want” in Psychology Today, How To Attract Women by Mark Manson, and even listening to “life gurus” like Jay Shetty, there was one underlying theme that stood out…
Women are attracted to men who they perceive as “high status” or have the potential to be high status.
I guess we aren’t that much different from the rest of the animal kingdom where the Alpha Males rule their packs. This is why how you look, your overall physical health, financial status, and social prestige, etc., contribute to how others perceive you.
But if you don’t know what high status behaviors are, or at times struggle with attracting women, like I did when I used to act like the typical 1970s “hyper masculine, tough guy,” below is a synopsis of the term high status that may help you improve your “game.”
Swipe right to continue.
What Does High Status Mean?
According to David Buss, a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Austin and author of Evolution of Desire, Strategies of Human Mating,
“One of the universal denominators that women find desirable across all cultures, ethnicities, age groups and socio-economic standing and even in time periods is men who are perceived to be of higher status around women.”
Before we continue, I think it’s worth mentioning that although science has found numerous factors that influence attraction, there is no consensus or one “dating model” the science community agrees upon- so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt.
But honestly, if you look at most dating advice, the term “high status” is usually mentioned, and there’s probably a good reason for that.
I concur.
And we can define “status” using German sociologist Max Weber’s definition, which is, “A person’s prestige, social honor, or popularity in a society.”
If you are popular with social clout or wealth — maybe both — you will be perceived as more attractive than your competitors.
In other words, a woman will observe, judge, and ultimately determine how attractive you are to them based on your behavior and appearance.
Look, I think it’s evident that women and men have (or should have) a laundry list of physical characteristics and innate qualities they desire in a partner.
And although we have different perceptions of what we consider to be “high quality” characteristics or behaviors, the result is usually the same: we each want someone who is “high status” in relation to how they can benefit us.
Think about it.
Because we, as people, grow and develop. As men and women age, their relationship/sexual preferences broaden or shrinks, and the criteria they use to evaluate other individuals are temporal and changes with time.
A “well-seasoned” or an older person might conclude that women, unless financially successful themselves, will screen for a professional (PhD, M.D, D.D.S. etc.) for the social prestige, or a man with a significant and stable income for the financial stability.
If you are looking for a partner who is marriage material and can help support your family, this is ideal.
Why? Because these resources can benefit your life and your future children’s lives.
Likewise, travel to areas in the world that are predominately Asian. You will see that people with money and credentials are often idolized amongst the masses and perceived as more attractive.
Cough, cough- that’s why doctors, lawyers, engineers, or business people are placed on a pedestal.
These types of women might shun a guy who is a non-achiever because if he accomplished nothing before meeting her, he would bring nothing to their relationship.
Then, a portion of the younger generations do not elevate “social prestige” or “financial stability” as much and will not screen a potential partner based on these criteria.
Interestingly enough, I believe sociologists and psychologists alike call this “potential for high status,” and some say it is equally attractive with attained status itself.
The results of an Evolutionary Psychology study completed at the University of Kentucky showed that high-status men are likely to capture most women’s attention. But I should note that the same cannot be said about high-status women grabbing most men’s attention.
This terminology, “potential for high status,” is based on the idea that some women won’t reject a guy who is a non-achiever because he shows characteristics or behaviors that will eventually help him succeed in life.
… I know this sounds, “Incel-ish.”
But the way I interpret this research, based on my own experiences, is that a man who is working hard to uplift his life and is emotionally intelligent — perhaps, he’s a good listener and helps build up his community will be perceived as high-status because he is behaving in a “high status” manner.
This man’s actions show he is a leader or, simply, a genuinely kind, hardworking human being. And although he does not have much money or social standing, that does not mean he is not sexually desirable.
Remember, there are too many nuances; the list can go on aeternum.
In my case, although I’m traveling from country to country, living paycheck to paycheck, and wear ripped clothing, some women still perceive me as “higher status” because I make them feel a certain way. Once again, emphasis on feel.
My confidence, ability to be vulnerable and thoroughly engaged during a conversation while listening to their issues probably allows women to feel safe around me. My ambitiousness interests them because it shows I am assertive and will continue to improve in life — and apparently, it inspires people.
(By the way, humor always earns you brownie points.)
And according to the definition of “potential for high status,” it shows I have the capability of being successful in the future and achieving so-called “resources.”
I’m not a scientist. I DON’T KNOW.
But whatever the case may be, not only does invoking certain feelings in a women (people) work, but sometimes it allows you to come across as higher status.
… And men who are perceived as higher status — well — get laid more often.
If I recall correctly, Maya Angelou once said,
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I agree with her and add that you don’t need to travel the world to figure this out!
Just skim a handful (or two) of self-help articles, listen to well-known psychologists like Jordan Peterson, or pay attention to famous dating coaches like Mark Manson or a life coach like Jay Shetty — and you will notice; it always comes back full circle to the same conclusion…
Focus on improving yourself, and as a result of your emotional journey, you will inevitably improve your self-perception.
Ultimately, people who perceive themselves in a good light tend to believe in themselves more.
…. And women like confident men.