Hands up if you’ve had times in your life where it felt like the world was against you?

Hands up again if you’ve ever been having a time like this and wondered how you were ever going to get through it?

As a sex, love and relationships coach, very occasionally people apply to work with me when things in life are good. 

The vast majority of the time, I work with people who are struggling or in crisis mode. 

They’re afraid they’re losing their relationship, they’re heartbroken, they’re in emotional pain or shut down or they’re feeling like they’re never going to be happy unless something changes.

Nothing can throw us into the pits of despair faster than when we’ve lost someone, fear we will lose someone, or are in a struggle dynamic with someone we love. 

Sometimes the thing we lost might not be a partner, it could be a job or a pet. 

Perhaps it’s not the feeling of loss we get when we are starting to wonder if we can ever have what we want – feeling fulfilled sexually, finding a partner, feeling comfortable in our bodies.

All of us will go through a shitty rough patch in life more than once, and if we don’t have some solid coping strategies in place, it can knock us around a lot more than it needs to.

Here are my top 3 things to do when life sucks.

  • Find on a project. Refocus your energy into something you’re building or creating

  • Imagine someone you care about in the same situation and think about how you would support them. You might make a big list of reasons they’re awesome, take them out, make them tea. And then do this, for yourself!

  • Remember that all things pass. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, this is temporary. One of the great truths of life is that everything changes and nothing is permanent. So when things are good – relish every moment! And when things hurt, you can make this your mantra, ‘all things pass’.

If you do these things, I promise you, you will start to feel better gradually. 

The saying goes that the darkest nights yield the most luminous dawns and when we support ourselves gently and with compassion, we’ll be ready to leap into that luminous dawn when it arrives and make the most of it.


  • Ruth Sowter

    Integrated Sex, Love and Relationships Coach

    Ruth Sowter is an Integrated Sex, Love and Relationships coach, yoga teacher, writer, speaker, women’s health expert and healthy hedonism advocate. She has spent a decade and over 10,000 hours of teaching, studying and personal experience to create powerful offerings for single people and couples wanting to find or improve their relationships. She integrates tantric wisdom with modern teachings from psychology and science on emotions, attachment, trauma, and the brain to bring light to our sexual shadow and healing on a level that is relevant to the particular challenges of our modern lives.