Recently, I had something come up in my life that’s been super hard, and to put it simply, is pushing all of my buttons. As I sat with this, I realized that I have a process that’s become quite automatic for me, as I’m going through anything challenging or uncomfortable in my life.

That being said, anytime something like this happens, my first thought, which is one that I got from one of my coaches, is:

“I wonder how this is going to turn out better than I could even imagine.”


“I wonder what I’m meant to receive from this.”

Right there, this opens the space of possibilities and moves me out of the discomfort, and really, contraction, and into hope.

From there, I start to look at this from the soul perspective. Our soul sees everything as good, as whether it’s because it’s what we want or it’s growth, it’s all good. That being said, here are some questions from the soul perspective that I often ask myself:

How is this serving me, even if it’s hard? 

What am I supposed to learn from this?

How did I create this?

And, even, how did I choose this?

In my situation, I am receiving the impact of another’s choice. The victim side of me wants to say I didn’t choose this, and wants to make this situation as hard as possible, and while I haven’t yet been fully clean about it because my feelings are hurt and it feels out of my control and I’m resenting that, there’s a part of me (my soul) that knows I’m getting a crash course in several things I recently asked for, and it’s genuinely changing me for the better. Right now, it’s absolutely uncomfortable, but it’s only temporary, and I will absolutely be more of who I’m meant to be in this world as a result of it. 

Which leads me to the final thing I’m going to share today that I do when something like this happens. 

I use it. 

I don’t avoid it or hope it goes away. Well, maybe I do :), but only briefly, and then I use it for all it’s worth to heal or uplevel another part of me.

Typically, I do this by noticing how I’m responding (or what the inner soundtrack in my head is saying or doing, and with this, the energy that’s underneath it). Then, I talk to my inner child about it (and her experience), feeling completely what’s present for me. If I’m sad, I feel sad. If I’m angry, I feel angry. And, if I’m resentful, I feel that. (If you’ve never worked with the inner child, this is one crucial (and often undiscussed) tool to healing ourselves and our relationships, and one that I teach in my Putting an End to Painful Relationships Masterclass, which you can sign-up for here.)

With this, depending on the situation and what’s happened, I’ll do these practices nightly, until literally the moment has no charge, until it has no control over me or my thoughts or the way I feel, and most importantly, until I can show up in complete integrity, as my full, true self. This self is generous. She is kind. She is gracious. Most importantly, she is compassionate, and she takes the high road, no matter what someone else chooses.

This, my friends, is how we allow everything to serve us, and with this, how we waste no hard times.

After all, if you’re going through it, you might as well use it! (That feels like that could be a song. :)) AND, if you don’t use it, as we all experience at one point or another, the message often becomes louder.

To good growth through hard times!


  • Deb Acker

    Author, Speaker and Intuitive Relationship Healer for Women - What if you never had another painful relationship again? To begin, join me at my Complimentary Putting an End to Painful Relationships Masterclass at

    About Deb Acker: Before Deb turned two, her dad left and when she was seventeen her mom passed away. Until Deb truly understood and healed the root cause of these, these two life-changing moments caused deep pain in her relationships and life that took many years to heal. In the process, she would learn forgiveness, the importance of owning all of our emotions, not just the good ones, and most importantly, how to heal deep-rooted patterns and create long-lasting relationships and life-changing transformation to powerfully support her clients. As an intuitive, Deb's New YouTube Channel, The Relationship Healing Channel for Women, as well as her Living Deeply Workshops, Audios and Programs, expand upon these lessons and many of the tools, awarenesses and concepts shared in her first book, Living Deeply: A Transformational Journey Through Deep Pain, Loss and Abandonment to Healing, Self-Love and Miracles. When she's not clearing energy blocks & childhood patterns, teaching, speaking or writing, which have included writing for The Huffington Post, Elephant Journal, Women for One and Thrive Global, you can find Deb working out and traveling the world. To find out more about Deb, visit her at, and join Deb at her Complimentary Masterclass, Putting an End to Painful Relationships: The Three Biggest Issues that Keep You Stuck, Hurting and Struggling, Repeating Your Relationship Patterns at