I can’t speak for ever pretty girl out there. I can only speak for myself and tell my story. I can tell you that being pretty doesn’t make life easier. If you think every pretty girl out there “has it made” just because she’s pretty, then I can assure you that you’re wrong.

Yes, being pretty gets you more attention. But, that may or may not be a good thing.

When Did it Start?

I honestly believe it started in kindergarten. I had long blonde hair and was wearing my long red (imprinted with tiny reindeer or something silly) Christmas dress. I had just turned five. It was arts and crafts hour. As we were gluing and stapling and otherwise making a mess my classmate Paul, turned to me and said, “be careful not to get anything on your pretty dress”.

I was hooked. From that moment on I realized the power of male attention. He liked me. I was pretty. That would be the last memory I would have for a very long time.

Soon after I was molested by the next-door neighbor on a regular basis for quite a long time. At twelve puberty kicked in along with my hormones and I fought against being pretty. I shaved my hair. I wore black lipstick. I revolted against all that was feminine and natural within me.

But still, time crept on and you can’t escape from who you are.

Why It Isn’t As Great as You Think

When I was eighteen, I had sex for the first time with my first real boyfriend. I’m not sure if that triggered something inside me or what, but suddenly I realized I had this new-found power.

The power of being pretty is an amazing thing. You get attention for doing nothing. You’re allowed into clubs first in line. You get compliments readily and easily. Men stare and women are threatened.

What you don’t realize is that you’re beginning to rely on others for your validation. What you don’t realize is that being pretty is a crutch that you expect to carry you through life.

To combat that reliance, I decided to go to college and not just any college. I went to U.C. Berkeley and I didn’t get just any old degree I decided to get a philosophy degree. I was bound and determined to prove I wasn’t just a stupid, pretty blonde girl.

After that I went to law school and passed the CA Bar exam. I was pretty. I was smart. I was educated.

Why did I feel so ugly inside? Why did I feel so less than and so unworthy? It didn’t matter that I was always noticed by men or complimented or told I was pretty. What mattered was how I felt inside.

Being pretty isn’t something you ARE it’s something you FEEL.

Growing Older

You think pretty girls have it all just because they’re pretty and maybe some of them do, but you don’t know the struggles everyone faces.

The years tick on and the lines start to appear on your face and your skin begins to sag and your self-worth begins to take nose dive if you base your worthiness on being pretty.

Welcome to my life.

My life coach tells me I need to do more Facebook live for my blog and tell my story and be more personal and I’m completely mortified at the idea of anyone seeing me less than perfect and less than pretty and less than whatever I believe I should be.

Maybe you’re thinking, “poor baby, must be rough to be you” and perhaps you would be right.

I have been lucky. I have been blessed genetically speaking. I have looks and intelligence and a pretty decent metabolism.

Yet, that never feels like enough. I’m no different from girls who think they aren’t pretty. I judge myself. I judge my looks, my insecurities, my worthiness, my ability to be enough and do enough.

What I’m trying to explain is that just because I’m considered “pretty” I don’t have it any better than anyone else.

Let’s take another example

Halle Berry. Admittedly one of the most beautiful women in the world. Not only is she beautiful but she’s talented as well by general standards.

Yet, she has just crap experiences with men. Why? Because, t’s irrelevant that she’s pretty/beautiful. She still has the same abandonment, insecurity, unworthiness, self-esteem issues that ALL women have.

You are a woman like every other woman. You need to find your power inside because it isn’t being pretty or smart or some external definition.

Your power is in being YOU.

The Struggle Is Real

As I get older, I struggle with being pretty and try to find the place where I fit in. What happens when your looks are no longer what they were? What happens when your source of validation is gone? Will my boyfriend still love me even if I’m not super-hot and sexy and all that?

Do you see that like everything in life you need to find your value in what you offer as a human being and who you are and not what you look like?

Unless you’re like Sophia Loren who was amazingly beautiful at any age the wrinkles of time are going to walk across your face and your beauty is going to fade.

If you’ve never relied on your looks to get anything in life consider yourself lucky, not deprived.

What you believed about pretty girls is all wrong.


  • Carrie L. Burns

    Life Coach & Blogger

    Carrie L. Burns is a blogger and Certified Mars-Venus and Robbins-Maddanes trained Coach.  Because she is a sexual abuse survivor that struggled for years with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, insecurity, lack of self-love and relationship issues and overcame them all, she figured who could be better at teaching people how to navigate life and love than her.