It’s nearly Valentine’s Day and I remember many years in my past when finding myself single — “yet again,” as I would extol — that it would make me self-conscious about my love life. This year I am single and my heart is more full of love than ever before.

My book Superhero of Love: Heal Your Broken Heart & Then Go Save the World came out in January so I am required daily to recall the break-up that catapulted me into the journey that lead me to write the book. And every day I couldn’t be more grateful for that extremely painful betrayal. It changed my heart forever – for the better.

It wasn’t my first painful break-up, but it was the one that pushed me to get to the bottom of what got me into a relationship with someone who regularly lied. I wanted to figure out why I had blinders on for two years until the avalanche of lies came tumbling down in one fateful 48 hour period.

Days after this break-up, I set a very clear intention: I will come out the other side of this journey more powerful than I was when I met the man I refer to as Mr. X. I met my intention, but my journey led me so far beyond it that I actually thank my lucky stars for Mr. X’s betrayals.

How did it change my heart forever?

  • Healing Heart Wounds — I dove into the dark shadowy places of my heart and found wounds from my earlier life that needed my love and attention, that had been triggered by this betrayal. I addressed and dressed those wounds, and healed layers of even older wounds.
  • My Love League — I developed far deeper, more fulfilling relationships with girlfriends old and new who helped me stay the course during my healing, I have many girlfriends from childhood whom I have always loved, but because I was healing those old wounds I was able to allow their love in even more.
  • The Mighty Flame — I had done spiritual work most of my life but I uncovered what I call the Mighty Flame in my heart, the source of divine love, the purest, unflinching love that I can now tap into whenever I wish. That flame burns so brightly I easily seize opportunities to love.

In other words, I am now more able to love and be loved than ever before because of this break-up.

What does that look like on Valentine’s Day? I sent out valentines to dear friends this year and had so much fun doing it. I was so full of pure love as I wrote each and every card.

I will spend Valentine’s Day doing a project I started many years ago at the City of Hope (the Love Scarf Project) which fills my heart to the brim every year. Whether I am in a relationship or not, it always makes my day, but since this fateful break-up I can say I am a better giver and receiver of love when visiting the patients.

So, you see, this break-up made me a better person.

It will make me a better partner in my next relationship too. Until then, the transformation isn’t over. I thank Mr. X for the spark that blew up our relationship because it is that same spark that lit my heart on fire in a very good way.


  • Bridget Fonger

    Author of "Superhero of Love: Heal Your Broken Heart & Then Go Save the World," Host of the Superhero of Love Podcast

    Author of "Superhero of Love: Heal Your Broken Heart & Then Go Save the World" (Red Wheel/Weiser/Conari Press, January 2019) and co-author "The Lazy Woman's Guide to Just About Everything." Find her on HuffPo, Quora,Twitter, etc. and check out the "Superhero of Love Podcast" wherever you get your podcasts!  Bridget is the creator of Love Forward Talks and event talks can be found on YouTube on the Superhero of Love channel.