When Menopause Meets the Workplace: How to Age In, Not Out

As much as menopause has come out of the shadows as of late, it is still a dirty word to a lot of people — particularly in the workplace. There are currently 41 million women over the age of forty in the workforce. Since women spend, on average, fifteen or more years in the workforce in the menopausal state, it’s important to get the support we need, so we can continue to function optimally long term.

Starting in perimenopause, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, poor concentration, and poor memory affect women’s performance at work, but many keep their symptoms a secret from employers and coworkers because the stigma around menopause continues. I know because I lived it. Even as bold as I have been in so many areas, I was afraid of the repercussions at work — especially that I might be viewed as less competent and less relevant than before.

What we all must do is find our own way to keep showing up and find another level of strength that perhaps we never knew we had. We are valuable in and out of the workplace, and we deserve to keep contributing in our career even as our body is taking us on one hell of a journey.

To do that, we need to change the work culture that says we need to be buttoned up, unflappable, and mentally on point at every moment. It’s up to us to speak out, not only for one another, but for the women who are coming up next.

How to Talk to Your Boss and Coworkers about Menopause

I want to preface this by saying that I really understand that there is still tremendous sexism and ageism in the workplace in general, and that it is even more pronounced in certain industries, such as tech, finance, construction, and transportation, to name a few. As we live longer, we may want and likely need to stay in the workplace well beyond menopause, and we don’t want our advancing age to work against us.

I am not naive enough to say to just run up to your boss in the middle of a meeting, tell him or her you are having a hot flash, and hope it doesn’t hurt your career. But I invite you to take hold of this moment and join the movement to normalize and treat menopause — for yourself, your peers, and all the women who will come behind us.

There can be benefits to discussing your situation with your supervisor, but there also are risks to consider as this is a delicate issue. Of course, if you feel that norms in your particular job in your particular field make it unsafe to speak up about your challenges, trust your gut. (To get an idea of how you are likely to be received, consider how women who are pregnant, breastfeeding, or chronically ill are treated in your workplace. If they are stigmatized, penalized, or dismissed, it may be better to focus your efforts on advocating for systemic change, which is also desperately needed.) Remember that legal protections do exist for harassment or discrimination based on age, sex, and disability, but what’s on paper doesn’t always reflect reality. You don’t want to jeopardize your position, especially if you feel you are not performing up to your usual standard. As with anything having to do with revealing vulnerability, you need to exercise common sense (and perhaps the insight of an employment lawyer).

If you’re ready to speak up to your colleagues and your boss, you probably already know whom you can trust. It’s possible you will be surprised by their desire to help — and they might already have noticed that something is going on with you and be relieved to know what it is. If the informal approach doesn’t work, or isn’t enough, with your boss, you might have to have the “menopause talk.”

Here are a few suggestions for having a smooth conversation:

Consider the time and place. Make sure you feel comfortable, above all else. If you are not able to find a setting for the talk, wait for a time when you feel good.
Be prepared. If there are specific symptoms that are affecting you at work or if you feel like you need extra support, be pre- pared with what you want to get across. For example: “I am having a difficult time right now with my memory or concentration. I have learned I am dealing with symptoms of (peri) menopause and I want you to be aware of it. It’s important to me that you know this and that I am working to get help for this.”
Be honest. It always feels as if we need to find flowery language to talk around menopause and its symptoms. But it is more than okay — in fact, it is necessary — to be honest about how you are feeling. I said to my HR director, “I am not sure how to bring this up, but I know this is the one office where I feel safe doing so.”
Check back in. After you have had the first talk, keep the lines of communication open. Perhaps if you have received help, you can talk about how things are working.
Be aware of your rights. If there is a workplace policy in place, make sure you know about it. To find out whether your workplace has any menopause benefits, you can start by scheduling an appointment with the human resources department and asking whether there are any menopause policies in place. You might find that access to specialists or educational resources is available. Or you could even be pleasantly sur- prised to discover that mental health or symptom relief, as well as flexible work arrangements, are available. Or not. If they aren’t and you wish to advocate for yourself, make sure you ask specifically for what you need or would like to see in place. It’s important you have a good picture of what’s available to you and perhaps what other companies are doing as well. In any case, it’s a good thing for you to have gotten your voice on record. The more women ask for these policies, the more companies will realize they need to institute them to retain women employees in midlife.

Education and support for women experiencing menopause are vital, as is raising awareness by talking openly with all employees — men and women alike. As important as it is for employers to make accommodations for perimenopause, it’s equally important for employers as well as individual women to remember that perimenopause — when symptoms tend to be their worst — is temporary. We will come out the other side. And we will be ready to get things done. Employers who support us through this transition will reap the benefits of our new reality.