“When will you die?”
A question that no one can answer, not you or me. A question that could not and can not be answered, not yesterday, today or tomorrow.
But I feel like I have died 100 times over and again. I have gone through the phases of: Denial, anger, sadness, disappointment, surrender and finally… Living.
From this I got a second, a third and a hundredth chance to live again, a chance to walk into life again reminded of my mortality and the fragility of my own life. But the funny thing is we are all equally fragile and mortal with no guarantees on when this fragile, short life of ours will end for us individually.
So I wonder why do some people live with such egos? Why do some people live half a life, a life without passion, purpose and love? Have they forgotten that life has no guarantees for no one? Have they forgotten that they are not in control of when, where and how their last day will be?
I may have an extreme case of being reminded of my mortality because of a chronic disease I have, where one day I am completely normal and the next I lay in bed close to paralysis. Some moments I deeply love it while at other moments I deeply resent it and wonder what did I do to deserve such harsh reminders. But today as I write this I mostly feel gratitude for these mortality reminders because I have been forced to change significantly to seek, speak and live by my truth.
I have become softer and kinder. I have become empathetic to all people because I have tasted deep pain as I know we all have tasted unique bitter pains.
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I monitor my thoughts and words to ensure they match my softness, kindness and empathy. Yet I equally have a fire in them, a fire for life.
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I have my actions always match my thoughts and words because I have learnt that talk alone means nothing and this world is in desperate need of more action rooted from authentic living.
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I have equally learnt to value silence for silence is the gateway to the many wonders of this world.
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I have learnt to love and love intensely. I have learnt to keep the sacred spaces within me for truth, which can not but be rooted in love.
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I have learnt to bear my soul and balance it with the mysteries that are meant to be guarded for myself to keep. I have learnt to live with my heart because the heart is truly the conductor of the orchestra of our life.
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I have learnt to never take the things around me for granted and to explore them with new eyes daily.
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I have learnt the important art of constantly learning, unlearning and relearning. I have learnt to learn, unlearn and relearn to do all the above perhaps in better and deeper ways daily.
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I have learnt that life and all its infinite possibilities are only available in this present moment, the very moment that you chose to use to read this and be where you are right now.
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Finally I have learnt what it really means to be alive. I have learnt to just be in this very moment, the only moment we are ever guaranteed. The next moment will always remain a mystery.
As you embark on your next moment I hope you are reminded of your mortality. I hope you are reminded in softer ways than the harsh ways I have received but regardless of the way I hope you walk into your life with the intention to truly live. Go for it, what other guarantee do you have? Certainly, not a guarantee of a tomorrow, not even the next moment.