I wasn’t born with spiritual beliefs. My family weren’t particularly religious. We went to Sunday school a few times before I decided I didn’t want to go one Sunday and hid in the garden behind the water butt. My first spiritual encounter was in 2002 when I was studying International Business in Hong Kong. I was there as part of a year abroad. In fact, I only chose my degree so I could go abroad for a year, that and it seemed generic enough that I would get any graduate job when I finished uni. My friend, Felix had been on a weekend away. He came back telling me he had been laughing and crying. “What have you been doing?” I asked. “Reiki” he said. He placed his hands on my back and I felt this intense heat. I continued with my studies, or not and graduated with a 2:2. I applied for graduate jobs and finally got a graduate role on my 75th application. It was working for a large retailer. I moved down South and started the job. It was a lot more stressful than I thought it would be. I didn’t really know what stress was until that point. About 18 months in I broke up with a boyfriend and had to reapply for my job role, which I didn’t get. I was an awful manager, shouting at staff. I was stressed. I remembered Reiki and went for a treatment. I didn’t feel anything. I was disappointed and thought I’d wasted my money. About a week later though I did feel calmer in myself. The therapist invited me to learn how it worked and that was the beginning of my spiritual journey. I practised Reiki on and off over the next 8 years whilst I became a wife, then a full time mum to two children.
I read a lot of books about spirituality and various topics such as Angels, past lives, crystals, dreams, meditated occasionally. I knew the theory but it wasn’t until my 36th birthday that I had to put into practise everything I had spent 10 years learning. My best friend Lisa passed away from cancer. The grief hit hard. I felt raw. I realised that up until this point I had become emotionally numb to life. I had been flatlining. I used crystals for helping with grief. I spoke to Angels and asked for help. I allowed the tears to flow. Early 2018 my husband and I started discussing divorce. Having felt emotionally wounded I went and had an access bars taster treatment. Following this I set my first boundary to my ex. Wow, where did that come from? We were both advised to live together for six months. During this time my strength and spiritual beliefs were challenged. I had to draw on every single tool that I had in my spiritual toolbox to get through each day. I meditated and met my spirit guide, a native American Indian, who then appeared often in my dreams. I gave myself Reiki and used the crystals to balance my chakras. I went to the Spiritualist Church every Sunday to receive messages from spirit that I was on the right path. I turned to Angel cards. I couldn’t face the tarot as I was too fragile. I asked the Angels for help and one night felt a large pair of arms wrapping themselves around me as if giving me a hug. I carried on doing the school runs and presented a ‘normal’ face to those outside whilst everything on the inside was crashing down around me. Moving day finally came and I was a mixture of emotions, relief that it was finally over, sadness for the breakdown of our family. There was also a sense of freedom. I could now live life the way I wanted to. Reflecting afterwards I feel lucky. If I hadn’t had my ‘spiritual army’ and trusted that everything was happening for a reason, my life could have been a lot different. I could have had a breakdown, I could have lost my kids. Thankfully I didn’t. Everyone goes through difficult or challenging times in their lives and they are different for everyone. When we emerge from these, we hold something within us that stays forever. Our strength and our light.
Photo by Samuel Austin on Unsplash