“I have no drive.”
“It feels like a chore.”
“I have too much work.”
“I have no time for sex.”
These aren’t just one-off complaints—they’re a national crisis behind closed doors. As a therapist, I hear this from clients all the time: career stress, endless to-do lists, and the daily grind have pushed intimacy to the bottom of their priorities. And it’s taking a serious toll on relationships.
We live in a culture that glorifies work and productivity—but at what cost? By the time couples should be winding down for the night, their minds are still racing: deadlines, emails, budgets, meetings. Sex, passion, and connection? Nowhere in sight.
A sexless relationship, at best, feels unfulfilling. At worst, it can breed resentment, loneliness, and even infidelity. And beyond relationship dynamics, there’s a personal cost, too. People missing out on intimacy are also missing out on its proven mental health benefits—like stress relief, confidence boosts, and the oxytocin-fueled bond that keeps couples emotionally connected.
So how do we bring sex back into relationships? It’s time for a reset. Here’s where to start:
1. Have the conversation—before it’s too late.
Many couples avoid discussing their lack of intimacy out of fear—fear of hurting their partner’s feelings, fear of conflict, or even fear of facing the truth. But silence only widens the gap. Instead, re-frame the conversation as a path to re-igniting passion, not criticism.
2. Change your mindset: Sex isn’t a chore.
We schedule work meetings, gym sessions, and social events—but somehow expect intimacy to just “happen.” It won’t. If you’re prioritizing laundry and grocery runs over sex, it’s time to rethink your list. Schedule intimacy if you must, but make it happen.
3. Shut work off—literally.
If your mind is still on work, your body won’t be in the moment. Set boundaries: No work talk after a certain hour. Phones away. Laptops closed. Create a clear divide between work mode and relationship mode.
4. Stop seeing your partner as just a co-parent or roommate.
One of the biggest sex-life killers is when couples get stuck in their roles—“Mom,” “Dad,” “breadwinner,” “caregiver”—and forget to see each other as romantic partners. Your partner is more than just the person you tag-team household duties with. Rediscover that side of them.
5. Small changes, big results.
Confidence fuels attraction. If you’ve let your physical and mental health slip, make small adjustments—hitting the gym, dressing up. It’s not about vanity; it’s about feeling good in your own skin, which in turn makes you more desirable.
6. Shake things up.
Routine is a passion killer. If your sex life feels stale, mix it up—new locations, new approaches, new experiences. Step outside your comfort zone together.
7. Approach intimacy like a team.
If you’re feeling disconnected, chances are your partner is, too. Work together like you would on any shared challenge—brainstorm, experiment, and problem-solve as a team.
8. Most importantly—have fun.
Sex isn’t supposed to be another thing to check off the to-do list. It’s about fun, connection, and pleasure. Make it playful, not pressure-filled.
The bottom line is passion doesn’t just disappear—it fades when it’s neglected. The good news is, with a little effort, couples can reignite the spark. The question is, will they make the time for it?