In an uncertain world where demands bestowed upon us are significant, where billions of people were locked at home, it will come as a shock to many to learn that mental, emotional, physical and financial health consequences are silently creating an epidemic more rampant and destructive than the Corona Virus the world is trying to contain.
But why?
Because, since the beginning of our times, we get programmed to live inauthentically and make other people’s opinions more important than ours. Learning the factors that us to be people-pleasers, stressed and out of control is a subject that has fascinated me since I was a child.
I grew up in a society that treated minorities as unequal’s, as inferiours, and no matter how great you were, you are persistently told you are not good enough. We know we are equal in our heart, but in our minds, we have doubts, and we keep asking ourselves if this is the truth or not.
It is a fact of life that people are entitled to think whatever they want, just as you are entitled to believe what you want. But, it is not something that as a child you can comprehend, or you can know that what people think of you cannot change who you are or what your worth is unless you allow them to. It is why, as adults, all this information stored in our subconscious mind can negatively affect our health, relationships, career choices and ultimately determine how much in control we are of our choices and decisions in life.
This question of overcoming low self-worth and how to stop other people’s opinions crush our aspirations and dreams goes on in many people’s minds daily. This innate calling to give people a way to shield themselves and better handle judgments and the opinions of others prompted me to write The Unfakeable Code® book in the middle of the Covid19 pandemic.
In such devastating events, the opinions of others can take over our lives, and as a result, we give rise to unfounded fears, conspiracy theories, self-abuse, and low self-worth. Put it, instead of focusing on our abilities to adapt and stay on course; we let external voices paralyze and run our world.
But at what cost?
According to an exclusive study by Westfield Health, the impact of the nation’s deteriorating mental health from Covid-19 lockdowns and other restrictions cost U.K. businesses £14bn last year. Now, if we consider every aspect of our reality, the actual cost would run into trillions of pounds, just in the U.K. Knowing how to shield yourself from other people’s opinions is a wise thing to do.
Almost everyone faces adversity from uncertainty and has to put on a ‘mask’ that causes them to feel anxious, depressed, and out of control, leading to diminished self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth.
On the one hand, caring what others think is normal as it helps us self-correct, build relationships with others, integrate socially into society. It keeps us respecting and following rules and pushes us to think and challenge ourselves when otherwise we would not. On the other hand, caring what others think becomes a problem when we laser focus on their opinions — and let them override the views that represent the values of our unfakeable true self. When we do this daily, we keep filling our brains with instructions that say we can’t ‘look out’ for ourselves, we are not worthy of being listened to, and we need to self-protect, which triggers insecurity, fears, low self-worth and self-doubt.
All of the above prompted many people during the pandemic to get in touch and assist them. It impacted every aspect of their newfound reality, including addictions, phobias, self-confidence, health, relationships, social life, finances, business, and leadership. Knowing how damaging all of their concerns, fears, and opinions are to thyself, others and humanity are why I felt called to bring to the world The Unfakeable Code® book. To help as many people as I can take back control, lead authentically and live freely on your terms. And the quickest way to achieving this is to unsubscribe from other people’s opinions of you.
But you might not even realize how to do this, so here are five principles to live by that can help you along the way:
- Accept that others won’t always agree with what you want.
- Acknowledge your actual authentic values and take daily actions to honour them.
- Affirm to yourself that other people’s opinions are there to mirror at you your unfakeable authentic true self.
- Aim to train the voice on the inside to be much louder than all the voices on the outside.
- Avoid falling into the trap of your one-sided psychology and embrace equally both sides of your authentic being.
Daily referring to the above five principles can shield you from other people’s opinions and instead focus on what you value, like, think, want, and who you are. Be prepared for feeling uncomfortable at the beginning of using these five life-changing principles — but they are there to train your mind and soothe yourself when you can’t control what others do, think, and say.
Because different techniques work for different people, I made sure that in The Unfakeable Code® book, you will find many more strategies and principles to see which are best for you. They will help you build your authentic sense of self, which seeks you to gain a deeper knowledge of who you are that will ground you and help you feel confident in yourself regardless of other people’s opinions.
Below you will find some questions that are wise to reflect upon frequently:
Why do other people’s opinions trigger me?
What parts of me call for attention when I express my opinions to others?
What do I find satisfying, meaningful, and enjoyable?
What do I love?
What don’t I love?
What are my authentic values?
What is my moral/immoral code?
What are my spiritual beliefs?
What masks do I wear? And Why?
Remember, building your authentic sense of self is a lifelong process. It is not something that you do once. Why? Because you’re life, and life is constantly evolving, building and destroying. Do return to The Unfakeable Code® book and these questions periodically, so you gain a better, more profound understanding of self and others. Ultimately, shielding yourself from others’ opinions or perspectives is not about quitting. Instead, it’s about starting caring about our own and learning mindful ways to communicate them to others authentically.
This is your life to live freely on your terms. At the end of the day, you are the only person who approves and disapproves of your own choices and opinions.
Your path is authentically unique and different, and memorable. Just like you! So checking in with your intuitive knowledge about who your authentic self truly is, what it desires of you is essential to let go of others opinions. Because then you’ll always have a connection with your ever-evolving truth derived from your ever-evolving voids, values and vision in life.
You will NEVER achieve what you can do unless you learn to shut out other people’s opinions of you and tune into your unfakeable self!
Love and Wisdom
Tony J. Selimi
P.S But don’t worry – I’m not going to leave you hanging. Here’s what to do about it! If you are looking to unlocking your workforce potential, reshape yourself and your business or company and prepare them for the future. You are ready to upgrade your mind’s code, the way you think and take back control, and read The Unfakeable Code®. Each of the five principles will help you bring positive change into your life and embrace happiness and your authentic and unfakeable being. You are worthy of joy, love and abundance. Don’t let yourself believe that pain is all there is. To hear, listen or read more inspired wisdom, you may want to listen to various T.V., Radio and Podcast interviews I have done, subscribe to my newsletters, youtube channel, and follow me on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.