I’m not talking about the usual stress associated with hustling to get things done, or using our brain power to think our way out (or into) a situation.
I’m talking about those challenges that no matter what you do, you meet with endless problems and often you just can’t seem to solve them, no matter how much time, energy and money you throw at them?
What I learned the painful way was that I was in resistance. I had heard of ‘resistance’ before. But, being a sceptic I put it down to new age nonsense and carried on fighting the good fight.
Until I started to get sick.
It wasn’t cancer, or anything like that, but it was a very gradual draining dis-ease.
First it was frequent respiratory illnesses, then skin problems and hormonal issues causing weight gain that wouldn’t shift with the usual methods. So I doubled up my exercise and cracked the whip on myself.
Working too hard and pushing against resistance for so long left me detached from myself. My needs and my dreams of how I wanted my life to be (not what others wanted or expected for me).
I was raised to ‘get your head down’, ‘work hard’. I’m sure you can relate. And like a good little girl I did what I was told.
My AHA moment happened when I saw a fertility doctor.
I had been trying to get pregnant for months and explained my symptoms. After some blood tests the doctor told me that stress was causing my symptoms and also was stopping me from getting pregnant that I realised something was not in alignment.
I saw there bewildered.
She asked about my life. I was a regular gym goer, I ate healthy, I had a good social circle. I explained that my job was quite stressful. I was often double booked for meetings sometimes without time to go the toilet between meetings because there wasn’t time.
So I avoiding drinking water during the day and started running my work commitments through my online calendar so colleagues could see when I was available. Once my diary was fully booked I asked for an increase in head count.
I explained to the doctor that I wasn’t sure what else to do apart from cloning myself. I told her that I wanted a baby more than anything else.
She simply said to me, ‘you must decide what your priorities are because you’re stressed and that’s what’s stopping you getting pregnant’.
I was shocked and angry that I allowed my job to make me sick. It wasn’t my job’s fault. It wasn’t my employers fault. It was my fault. What could I do?
She said, ‘decide what’s important and focus on that’
I cried. It was such a relief. Someone gave me permission to do what I was actually dying to do for so long. It was OK to want to change the direction of my life.
Crying was the sign that I was in massive resistance because I was doing what I thought everyone expected of me.
I had a wake up call to stop and listen to my own intuition again. For me that meant really understanding what wasn’t working and what I needed to change.
It’s simple to say but harder to do because it takes courage, self analysis and deep personal development work to transform old habits and reclaim my power.
So what can you do about this?
If you are finding life is challenging you beyond what might seem normal then you must stop and take the time to connect back to yourself.
I can’t express how important this is. It is better to go slow on the right path than fast on the wrong path…
Journalling is something I was in resistance to doing because I worried someone would find it and read my inner most thoughts. But I had to realise – so what if they did? Who cares what other people think.
Ask yourself powerful coaching questions.
Understanding what you want (not what other people tell you should want) is the first question you can ask yourself.
Find a quiet, calm place where you can write in a journal or even record a video to yourself. The idea is to allow you to see (and hear) yourself as who you are, not who you think you should be.
And I know we are told by various ‘gurus’ to be positive all the time. But there is power in knowing what you don’t want so you can then see the flip side and frame it in the positive. Just don’t dwell on the negative.
For example if you don’t want to work with a specific type of client then don’t. You have full control. Instead think of the opposite traits of that non-ideal client and look for those clients instead.
If you don’t enjoy aspects of your business – outsource those pieces. Write a job description of how you want the ideal person to act, think and behave rather than only what their daily tasks will be.
Start to look for what you want and you will attract the right people and opportunities into your life.
Here’s my 5 minute exercise to get you unstuck.
Here are some powerful coaching questions to ask yourself and journal on when you feel resistant, or stuck. These help you see if you’re acting from a place of pleasing others not yourself:
- What do you REALLY want?
- What’s stopping you from getting that?
- Who will judge you and why does that hurt you?
- What can you do to have courage to ignore their judgments?
- What’s on the other side of the fear you feel to take action?
- What’s the best that can happen?
- What’s the worst that can happen?
- What’s the next best step?
I wish you the best in your quest for success in all areas of you life. And if you are feeling resistance then be glad because it’s your body telling you something is wrong for YOU!
Take the time to listen to your intuition so you can make the changes that are right for you. Because your gut is never usually wrong.
If you need any extra help feel free to reach out to me by email. I specialise in helping health, wellness and life coaches who want to attract more leads and clients. The first steps starts with getting clear on knowing what you want and focusing on the few simple strategies that will work for you.
Originally published at www.huffingtonpost.com