We all do it. We are all guilty at one point or another.

We get caught up in comparing ourselves to so many other gorgeous women around us. Sometimes without even consciously realizing it.

At the shops. In the supermarket. At the beach. At parties. At school drop off and pick up. Outdoors while we walk. At the gym. At the pool. In meetings. At work. At yoga. At the markets. On social media. In magazines. On billboards and signage. On television.

Their body. Their hair. Their skin. Their clothes. Their personality. Their partner. Their social status. Their success. Their ocupation. Their kids….and the list goes on. And on and on and on!!

And how do these toxic comparisons make you feel? First class, top notch LOUSY!! INADEQUATE!! FALLING SHORT!!

You develop a sense of not measuring up. Not being good enough. And when these comparisons happen on a daily basis you then begin to embed this belief of not being worthy or good enough as your truth. Which, inevitably, will then overflow into your entire life.

Comparisons are not only highly unrealistic, but are also doing you so so much internal damage. Your self-love is being killed right before your eyes when you find yourself getting stuck in this mindset of measuring yourself up against others. Comparisons are like kryptonite for your self-love superpowers.

This can even come to the surface in a more extensively toxic version when your initial comparison then leads to an external put down of the person or people you are comparing yourself to.

Your mind and tongue suddenly become venomous and you find yourself pulling that other woman down with your words. Or can occur when you are with other women who voluntarily join in on the verbal bashing of someone else. If this is the case for you, know that this is more about you than it is about the person you are putting down.

How you feel about someone else, be that postive or negative, is a mirrored reflection of how you feel about yourself.

So remember what your Mum used to always say, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” And action that with yourself and with others. Look within and ask yourself “what is this really saying about me?”

But geting back to comparisons, here’s the best way to change those.

This is nothing you don’t already know, you simply need to be more mindful of these mindsets to rewire your thought patterns and auto-pilot of jumping straight on the “I’m not as good as her” wagon.

Step One: Know that every single person is different. There is only one you. You are unique. There is something REALLY special about that. So stop trying to be someone else. You can’t. It’s impossible. Miranda Kerr can’t be Serena Williams. Serena Williams can’t be Arianna Huffington. Arianna Huffington can’t be Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston can’t be you. And you can’t be that woman you see that you are comparing yourself to. BE YOU! DO YOU. Discover more about you. Put more love into you. Embrace you. Because you are so so incredible.

Step Two: Have an appreciation and acceptance of all the amazing women around you. Appreciate every single one for the unique, beautiful Goddess that she is. Accept that all women, and people for that matter, are on their own journey that you know ZERO about. As are you! Sure, she’s got the best skin you have ever seen and it makes you feel like your bumps on yours are like volcanoes. Sure, her legs go on for days it seems. You start to think about your “short legs” and cry a little on the inside. But just because this Goddess has to-die-for skin and THE longest legs ever, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have struggles. This doesn’t mean she loves herself head to toe, inside and out. Her outer attractiveness is not an indication of her inner beauty. (SIDE NOTE : learn the difference between these my love). In other words, you have no idea of what stage she as it in her life journey. This is an empathetic approach if you will. So look around, especially at the beach or pool, and say it with me, “You are all beautiful no matter what.” This instantly releases you of the pressure you feel to “keep up” or “change” yourself and you will stop seeing yourself as inadequate because you DO fit in when EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL ON THEIR OWN JOURNEY. And accept you are on yours which means you are exctly where you need to be right now. We are united as women with the same struggles, hurdles, Inner Bully moments and life challenges. Our outer self does not make us immune to these. Understand this and you will be set free from comparisons.

Step Three: Start talking to yourself like you would your kids or your best friend. Part of feeling inadequate when you compare yourself to others, is caused by that Inner Bully of yours having embedded nasty words you tell yourself AND BELIEVE. Start to rewire those and come from love for yourself. This will also empower you to overcome your comparisons too.

Compliment yourself in the mirror NO MATTER WHAT. Tell yourself “ I love you (insert name) because you are beautiful.” If the words you say to yourself daily are one’s you would NEVER say to your best friend, kids, mum etc….then DO NOT say them to yourself gorgeous. They are doing just as much damage to you as they would if you stood in front of your kids every day and told them they were those words. LOVE YO’SELF!!!

Step Four: Exercise an amazing superpower you possess…..RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS.

Compliment other women instead of running them down. Uplift a complete stranger with a few kind words about her fabulous shoes or gorgeous eyes or amazing tattoos. Tell her she has the most gorgeous smile or contagious laugh. If she is serving you in her place of work, compliment her brilliant service and friendly nature. Tell her it was a pleasure to interact with her.

Show love.

Be love.

Spread that love.

And know that you are beautifully amazing. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW.

Love + Empowerment

Ingrid xo

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Originally published at medium.com