I’ve taken on an initiative called “Creating Life Out Here.”  What it means is creating life in the in between of us people.  Getting out of our heads where our thinking is not usually positive.  And getting into conversation with another human being where we are free to generate what we really want, without the confines of our limiting thoughts.

And the access to that in my experiment is “saying what can’t be said,”  and sharing.

What I’ve seen is that everyone thinks they can’t say certain things.  

What’s fascinating to me is that everyone seems to have a different reason.  Mine is that I’m afraid people will think I’m crazy.  Or that I am bothering them.  Or I’ll get them upset.  And underneath all that is that they won’t be able to love me because I’m too much work.  They will leave me and I’ll be alone forever.

Other reasons I’ve heard:

– people will talk about me – it’s not safe

– no one will understand

– they’ll get crazy

– I have to be strong.  

– I can’t let them know how I really feel

– it’s supposed to be the best time of my life

– I’m supposed to be happy

– I don’t want to complain 

These are all reasons for why they can’t be real, honest, and authentic.  They then must put on a pretense of being someone other than who they are.  Which is exhausting, frustrating, and, in my experience, has me feeling very alone.

An example from the last few weeks for me.  There were three people that I emailed a couple of times.  They didn’t respond.

My subconscious mind decided that they didn’t like me, didn’t want to play with me (a five year old kindergarten conversation from my playground days), and I was obviously bothering them.  And the last thing I was going to do was mention it.  I didn’t want them to know that I was thinking that.  It would just make it worse.  I would just leave them alone and move on.  Three people now out of my life.

In the last couple of days, I happened to run into two of them.  I decided to “say what couldn’t be said.”  And I did.  My thoughts were the farthest thing from the truth.  One told me she never responds to emails.  She loves me and I can call her anytime.  Another said that she loves to play with me and wasn’t aware that she didn’t respond.  When did I want to talk?

I can see how limiting my life became when I didn’t speak up and say what seemed real for me.  By finally telling them what I thought, my world altered and I got back into affinity with them.  I felt  my power again.  I am actually loved and accepted.   I have a whole community of people that stand with me and for me.

It’s very different from the world in my head where I am a bother, alone, and misunderstood.

I believe that the pathway to relatedness, love and creating lives that fulfill and move us is sharing and saying what you think can’t be said.  

What’s in your way?  I challenge you to dig below the surface.  And say it anyway.  

What do you have to lose?


  • Hilary Arnow Burns

    Hilary Arnow Burns, Creating Life in the Present Moment

    Graduated from Wharton Business School, Hilary pursued a career in management consulting, ending up on Wall Street during the 1989 crash. "It was certainly exciting," she says about her time at Drexel Burnham Lambert. From there she found her way to many entrepreneurial ventures, ending up as a District Sales Coordinator at AFLAC. She has always loved to entertain, empower and acknowledge people and does so through her writing and speaking. She specializes in memoir and poems which tell a person's unique gifts and story.   She has published her first book, "The Second Piece of French Toast," available on Amazon.com. Her website: GettingRealwithHilary connects you to her YouTube channel and blog.