Why is it that so many of us are great about giving other people advice, but can’t seem to give ourselves the same good advice?
The answer has a lot to do with psychology and human behavior. When it comes to offering advice to others, we experience greater emotional distance. This allows us to zoom out and become more logical and objective. In terms of our own situations, there are more emotions involved, and our judgement can get clouded. This phenomenon can be fixed, though, by learning to separate our feelings from our decisions and by taking a step back when assessing our personal scenarios.
Another reason that we might not take our own advice has to do with issues related to confidence (or a lack of it). Sometimes we doubt our own abilities or suffer from impostor syndrome so we second guess ourselves or our recommendations. In order to fix this, we need to become more self-compassionate and remind ourselves that we are certainly capable.
Sometimes it’s a fear of failure that can prevent us from taking our own suggestions. If things don’t turn out the way we want them to, we will face a larger disappointment because we are the ones who came up with the plan in the first place. To remedy this, we should change our attitude so that we look at failure as an opportunity to learn instead of something that’s bad.
Another issue that may cause us to not lean into our own advice is overthinking or analysis paralysis. We tend to overanalyze our personal situations and might feel like there are better options that we haven’t uncovered yet. This can cause us to procrastinate on things that involve delayed gratification or long-term goals. One way to overcome this is to focus on small milestones and wins on the way towards our larger goals.
Unclear advice might also be causing the issue. We should take our goals and break them down into smaller more actionable steps, while acknowledging effort and progress along the way. This is where SMART goals can be really helpful.
Finally, external pressure or influence can make us talk ourselves out of our own guidance. When we give into this pressure, we go against our better judgement. To remedy it, we should build better boundaries and become more self-aware and assertive.
At the end of the day, we really do know what we are talking about and give great guidance to those around us. In order to ensure that we are also getting the benefit of that same advice, we should write it down, take accountability for it, create visual reminders, check in periodically on our progress, and forgive ourselves when we fail to adhere to it. It’s not going to happen overnight, but we can get better at taking our own advice with time and focus.