Why spending time with yourself after divorce is beneficial to your healing

Divorce is no joke. Between losing who you thought was your life partner, you also lose family members, and friends.

Everyone looks at you differently like you have some sort of disease and oftentimes you go into a place of isolation.

Isolation can be a good thing and bad.

When you choose to be alone you can either drown in the thoughts taking up space in your mind which can easily lead to self-destruction or you can choose to take this time of solitude and step into your new journey.

Living inside your head can take on a life of its own. 

You’ll soon start going down the rabbit hole of diminishing your self-worth, self-esteem and pretty soon you’ll start blaming yourself for the destruction and ending of your marriage.

Let me remind you it takes two people in a marriage and the demise of it happens long before one person walks away.

Using your alone time to reflect on memories and the life you once had could be very useful in your healing journey.

This time can be used to give back to yourself all the things you’ve been looking for from that other person.  Love, respect, admiration, loyalty to name a few. 

These are all the things you can give back to yourself by allowing yourself the time and space to do just that.

To love on YOU.

To see life through the eyes of YOU.

Divorce hurts A LOT. 

And the thought of spending alone time with yourself can be very painful.

But the truth is finding the balance between distractions and things to occupy yourself with and spending time to reflect and to create a new plan moving forward is beneficial to your healing journey.

I’m not talking about a 5 or 10 year plan. I’m talking about getting clear on how you want to feel in this moment and then taking that one little baby step towards it.

In my years of working with women going through heartbreak, one of the common things I hear them all say is “I don’t know what I want.”

And for that I challenge you to change that story.

Instead of saying I don’t know what I want, say “I am open and willing to feel a little bit of relief.”

When you do that, you’re telling yourself to look for ways to feel better.

Even if that means getting out of bed and taking a shower, or changing from pajamas to jeans.

It’s much easier to get clear on what you want when you don’t have friends or family telling you what they “think you should do.”

Yes it can be helpful to hear suggestions from others that care about.

Even though your friends and family want to try and help you, they don’t know what’s best for you.

Only you know that and when you learn to listen to your intuition and your internal guidance system you will always have a path to follow.

One of the ways to strengthen that internal guidance system is allowing yourself the time to sit in stillness. 

Without the noise, and the hustle and bustle of everyday living.

This is the time where you reflect, embrace and surrender.

Surrender to all that is possible and waiting for you.

I see too many times women skip this part of their healing.

Instead they use distractions in a way that self-sabotages and delays them from happiness.

Distractions can be good but they can also be long term bandages.

The healing process is a journey and one that must unfold in time.

There’s no quick fix but instead quick wins.

And eventually these quick wins add up to huge progress.

Giving yourself the time to be still, and to spend time with you, is a quick win that can easily add up.

In moments of loneliness you can turn to stillness and use that time to help create your future.

Always remember tomorrow.  

Being present is important as well but knowing that you can create the life that you want, to feel happiness, that you will be able to love again and allow someone else to love you is an incredible feeling that can become your reality.

Your pain doesn’t define who you are but helps to shape you.  

And when you take the time for yourself, you can connect to all the ways that you are right where you need to be in this time and space.

And you are given a beautiful opportunity to make life as you see it.

And even if you can’t see the future fully right now it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

But in time, and baby steps you will get closer to it.

Being alone with yourself  is peace and freedom wrapped up in a bow.

Get rid of dredge and welcome acceptance.

Accept the fact that you have a new journey ahead of you.

You may not like it at times and you’ll yearn for the past, but a new future awaits you.

One that can be even better than before.

And this time you get to create it the way you want it to be.

Everyday is your chance to step into courage, strength and clarity.

Make time for YOU.

When you do that, you’ll emerge stronger, wiser, courageous, and bolder than before.