Imagine you message your close friend and asks for a favour. After reading his reply, your emotion gets triggered, and the person who was a close friend a moment ago suddenly becomes worst than an enemy. Do you know why? Because your friend rejected you for giving you a favour.
Although you knew that your very friend was the most competent for that task, still, the rejection hit you real hard that you started hating that person (not gonna call him my friend anymore).
But why did that happen? I mean, from your perspective, why the fire of hate burnt inside you after being rejected? Why that negativity?
There are several reasons I came across, and the following are some of the relevant highlights.
We Don’t Hear NO So Often
From birth till date, I barely remember when was the last time I got a NO in return for a favour. This spoiled me and anyone who was brought up and treated in a similar way. Be it parents, siblings, even friends.
When all your demands are accepted straightforwardly, you become used to acceptance and forget that one day, you can be rejected by anyone for anything. No matter how minor a favour it is that you ask for, there comes a time when the rejection becomes unknown to you, and at that very moment, you are taught that you possess nothing. The authority that you are proud of, it’s actually not yours. It’s a blessing that’s given to you so that you can spread positivity around and serve humanity.
I call it that we are used to getting every favour accepted. There is nothing bad in it. But once the conscious becomes unconscious, that’s when the real problem starts.
Expectation
We expect too much, don’t we? Expectation hurts, and in the case of rejection, phew, you better stop thinking about it!
You hold the leash of your brain, and that’s a fact everyone knows but still creates chaos. The game of expectations is played in your own mind. It’s you who set expectations and then suffer. It’s natural that if you do someone a favor, you expect at least some kindness in return.
I personally believe that expecting nothing in return is the best practice. No doubt it’s nearly impossible, especially when you have done a lot for a person. But still, if you don’t expect, you won’t suffer. And It has nothing to do with being afraid. Rather it’s about being bold enough to train your mind not to expect anything in return, no matter who the person is.
Psychology
We learn from our surroundings, and the environment we live in plays an important role in emotional and intellectual upbringing. The more mature you get, the more your psyche becomes obstinate. During such a critical period, you learn that if somebody rejects you, he is the bad guy. Why? Because he refused to do you a favour. Sound ridiculous, right?
In your mind, you label a person as a bad guy because he refused to give something to you that looked pretty easy and simple. Instead of being empathetic, you choose the negative side and put that person on the list of bad people. That’s what we all learn from our surroundings.
But there was another option too instead of getting mad at him. If you think intellectually, you may find that the person might have something more important than your favour. Or he may have some kind of urgency. Anything could be possible, right.
But we are all living in the dark cell of selfishness where no one thinks about others but himself. Everyone is trying to protect their dignity, their honour, their family, their kids. No one wants to care for others, even though it’s necessary. That’s how the sense of humanity and human value has been destroyed.
These 3 aspects are the top ones that my mind grasped after some puzzling over. I know there must be more reasons hidden behind it, but for now, let’s focus on these and make any kind of improvement to make a society of harmony and love.