Why we are blaming and shaming

Never shame another. Ever.

There has been so much blaming and shaming about every political choice, health choice , lifestyle choice (and the list goes on and on) this year.

And it is not healthy for our hearts or our minds.

This incredible post this week from Dr. Elisa Song, MD inspired this week’s Love Letter. She is on a mission to provide the most up-to-date information to keep us all informed but is also on another kind of mission…to help stop the divisive madness and to help bring compassion back. (More on this to come in the following weeks).

Below is her heartfelt Facebook post that I truly could not have written better myself:

August 13, 2021.

I am seeing so much shaming & blaming by mamas, of other mamas, and it is breaking my heart.

Before you shame & blame, remember …

You DON’T know her story …

You don’t see her immunosuppressed son who would be wiped out by even a common cold.

You don’t see her daughter who developed post-vaccine acute disseminated encephalomyelitis and now must live with multiple sclerosis for the rest of her life.

You don’t see her toddler who is struggling with language development and can’t learn to communicate when others wear a mask.

You don’t see her teen who tried to kill herself, and just wants to hang out with her friends.

You don’t see her, caring for elderly mother with metastatic cancer, worried that every hug & kiss from her child could be the one that brings COVID home.

You don’t see her, raising her kids alone after losing their father to COVID, despite being young, fit, healthy & doing everything “right.”

You don’t see her …

Her story is hers to live and tell

Without judgment

Without shame

We give ourselves enough mom guilt. Don’t give her any more …

The weight on our shoulders is heavy. Never before have most of us had to make such monumental decisions that could alter the trajectory of our kids’ health & lives. Deciding which preschool to send Kenzi to felt monumental enough. But that pales in comparison to the decisions we are now being asked to make.
We could always transfer Kenzi to another school.

But some decisions you can’t take back …

As parents, we bear the weighty burden of living with the potentially lifelong consequences of our decisions for our children.

These decisions are ours to make, and ours to live with.
Remember, this is HER story.
Not yours.

See her. Understand her. Love her. Respect her decisions for her own children.

Or just walk away.

But never, ever shame her …

xo Elisa Song, MD

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As I teach week after week, our external world is a reflection of our internal world. As we blame and criticize others, it is sourcing from a place within us that recognizes that blamable behavior in another.

Right now we are all hurting and hurt people hurt.

It is easier to blame someone else for their behavior than it is to look inward, reflect and heal the part within us that is triggered. But that’s where the good stuff is.

This is where true healing lives.
This is where empowerment lives.
This is where we find our truth.

In Loving What Is, Byron Katie teaches an incredible technique called the turnaround method. In this method, you write out everything that is bugging you about a particular person or situation through a series of questions. Once completed, you review your answers as if they were about you, not the other person.

Reading those words with your name inserted in this list of complaints is incredibly illuminating and awakening.

This powerful transparency into your soul is truly life-changing.

You will begin to become aware of what is really bothering you and find yourself more empowered and connected to yourself.

After awhile, you ultimately find no need to blame and shame others because you come to realize you are the source of your own power and happiness. Here is a link to The Work worksheet if you’d like to give it a try and access your internal wisdom.

Be kind. Know that everyone is doing the best they can with all that we are collectively managing and remember that hurt people hurt…and we are all hurting right now.

This is the time to show compassion and patience to yourself and everyone around you because everyone is simply doing the best they can.

Join me for today’s meditation, Why we are really blaming and shaming, where we take a deep dive inward and find that blame and shame and begin to heal it from the inside out to help you feel more empowered and heard.

Much love,
Erin