Relationships can be amazing. They can also be painful but when they get to point of being sore, it doesn’t always mean that walking away from it is always the answer. That also doesn’t mean that staying to work it out is the ‘right’ thing to do.

There are situations and circumstances where leaving is a must but if staying and making it work is your choice then focusing on you is the most effective way to create fun, love and connection in your relationship.

What most people don’t realize is that when the proverbial hits the fan between couples, often the problems aren’t within the relationship or with our partner, the problems are with us. I say this to my clients when they reach out to me desperate to save their relationship. Mostly they look at me like I’ve just landed from the moon.

They’re so stuck in their own stories of it being their partner’s fault, of how it will never change and coming from a defensive perspective that any suggestion of them being a contributor to their own pain feels unbelievable.

Then, when I suggest that they need to shift the focus from their relationship with their partner to the relationship with themselves, cue all of the ‘are you crazy, girl’ looks. Hear me out. Our relationships are what we allow them to be. Our partners treat us based on the boundaries we set and subconscious beliefs we have about our self -worth. The way our relationships are, comes from the stories we tell ourselves.

We change our relationship not by focusing on our partner, but by focusing on our mindset and how we treat ourselves. This takes time and effort combined with the right support because we are creatures of habit and tend to fall into the same comfortable behaviours.

I work my clients through a challenging process that is both emotional and revealing but that holds within it the key to healing not only the relationship with their partner but most importantly the relationship with themselves. Once that code has been cracked, the rest of their life comes together, almost magically.

If you’re a woman ready to create a relationship by design rather than default where you feel part of a happy loving couple able to take on the world, connect with me on my Facebook page.  I would love to see you there!