Have you ever felt yourself changing how you show up in this world in fear of offending someone? 

Ya know…not fully speaking your opinion, or sharing your story in case someone else gets upset or disagrees with you. 

Sometimes it feels easier to bite your tongue, or silence yourself to avoid what others might say in response.

Heck it might even look like toning down your personality, because you think it might be too bold, too direct, or too much for people to handle.

Do you agree? 

Well it’s something I caught myself doing in the early days of entrepreneurship. The people pleaser in me didn’t want to make anyone else feel awkward, offended, or bad. 

So, I found myself watching what I said and did to make sure everyone else felt comfortable. 

Before I knew it I was turning myself inside out to accommodate everyone else. I stopped trusting myself. I stopped putting my own happiness first. And the more I went down this path, the harder it became to fully own my voice, and speak my truth. 

And I found myself wasting loads of energy defending myself and what I believed to be true. 

*cue exhausting

It wasn’t until a mentor of mine suggested I practice a little more self-love. At first I was offended, because no one wants to admit they don’t love themselves.

Am I right?

I mean admitting it opens the flood gates to the guilt and shame that naturally follows. It’s like admitting you don’t love your spouse or kids. It’s not the greatest feeling, trust me. 

So I get it if this is making you feel a little uncomfortable right now. But in reality when we are caught up in pleasing others, and putting everyone else’s happiness first, we lack self love.

Making it very difficult to own our voice and speak our truth. Because in order to own your voice and speak your truth you have to love your truth!! And you can’t fully love your truth if you lack self-love. 

Not to mention to be vulnerable without loving every part of your story is like stepping into a pool of piranhas. It’s going to freaking hurt!! 

So if you find yourself holding back, or not fully owning your story, this might be why. 

That is why I want to share three ways I’ve regained my confidence in living my authentic truth so that I can own my voice and speak my truth.

And in the spirit of Valentine’s Day these are the perfect ways to show yourself how much you love yourself.

Quieting the Voice in Your Head

I spend a lot more time quieting the voice in my head through meditation so I can tune into the voice in my heart. In silence is where you’ll find your truth. 

But in our fast paced world it’s easy to get caught up in the shouldas, couldas, and wouldas based on other people’s expectations of how we should live our lives. Practicing daily meditation has helped me tune into my inner voice, and intuition, which is your greatest guide. 

Avoid Saying Yes Right Away

I used to always say yes to everything. It was my go-to response when someone asked me to do something. Now I avoid saying yes on the spot, unless it’s a hell yes. This gives time to think about it, and how it will support the path I am on. If it doesn’t support my journey then I have no problem saying no.

As a recovering people pleaser this was probably the hardest one to master, but it’s transformed the way I live my life now. 

Stop Wasting Precious Energy Defending Yourself

If there are people who can’t respect your truth, don’t waste your precious energy defending or explaining yourself. There is always going to be someone who doesn’t agree with you. We as a society get really uncomfortable when someone else has a different point of view than we do. 

But protecting our energy is a part of loving ourselves. It’s trusting in our truth over someone else’s. And when we waste our time defending or explaining ourselves we give our power away. When you find yourself doing this give yourself permission to walk away. 

These are three practices that helped me own my voice and speak my truth. They’ve also helped me regain my trust in myself.