You deserve to live an Epic Love Story. Maybe you’ve had some bad break-ups and some failed relationships. That doesn’t mean you can’t have it all. You deserve the best that life has to offer, and you shouldn’t settle for less. You may feel unlovable, but there is someone for you in this world that will be your lifetime partner and greatest love.

Break ups happen. As a relationship counselor there are a percentage of couples that I see in my office practice that have simply given up on writing their epic love story. Or, they’ve waited too long to get professional help to save their relationship, and it’s simply too far gone. There are so many negative feelings, so much anger and resentment, that they are no longer willing to try to fix their problems. The impact of these break ups is immense. The newly single partners are left with a lot of questions, unresolved emotions, and negative feelings about their ex-partner, their own value and worth, and relationships in general. Most people enter a counselor’s office for relationship counseling 6 years too late.

If you’ve had a series of failed relationships where your ex-partners shamed and blamed you into thinking it was you’re fault that the relationship didn’t work, you can build that load you’re carrying until if feels unmanageable and too much of a burden to bear.

You may feel like you are unlovable, not compatible with anyone, or not deserving of love and a life partner. Will you ever be able to find someone who “gets” you; someone that you can be happy with?  Will you ever get your epic love story? I say “yes you can”!

It’s not simple, but it is possible. You and your partner can write your own epic love story together. It requires some work and planning on your part before you can make it happen. Some of this work is unpleasant and will cause you some pain, but I promise you, it’s all worth it.

You will need to go back over those past relationships that didn’t work and look at why. Objectively, admitting to yourself that you had a part in the break up. You can’t simply blame your ex-partner. You have to be realistic about why you didn’t work things out. Then you have to do the tough work; the inner work that goes about changing those things in yourself that have caused problems in your past relationships. These can be negative patterns, triggers and reactions that are your go-to behaviors whenever there is conflict. This is truly being accountable to your-self.

These issues have to be faced and understood before you can write your epic love story with a new partner. This inner work doesn’t happen overnight, but the more self-aware you are, and the harder you try to resolve these issues in yourself, the more likely you are to be successful in your next relationship.

Another thing that needs to happen is a shift in your self-perception. We often have so many limiting beliefs about ourselves that we can be our own worst enemy. Self-defeating words and attitudes and self-sabotaging behaviors can preempt our epic love stories before they even have a chance to be written. That is the real demon our own perceptions.

Don’t settle for anything less that the love story you dream about. That person to share your life and story with is out there. When you’ve done the inner work and are ready to move forward with a fresh attitude and perspective, you will find them.  Together you can write the epic love story that you always wanted to live. That’s not to say there won’t be problems, conflicts and bumps in the relationship road, because there will. That’s just a fact of life and living together. However, if you hold yourself and your partner to a higher standard, and don’t settle for less, you can have the epic love story that will be a deep and passionate love for the rest of your lives together.


  • Stuart Fensterheim

    Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW

    The Couples Expert

    Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW helps couples to overcome the disconnection in their relationships. As an author, blogger and podcaster, Stuart has helped couples around the world to experience a unique relationship in which they can feel special and important, confident in knowing they are loved deeply and that their presence matters. His weekend workshop, Two Days: Seven Conversations has become a popular venue for many to set off on their journey of connectedness. The Couples Expert Podcast consists of weekly provocative conversations offering the perspectives and insight of experts from a variety of relationship related fields. Stuart also offers daily relationship video tips on The Couples Expert YouTube channel and by subscription in Stuart's Daily Notes. Stuart is happily married and a devoted father of 2 daughters. His office practice serves the greater Phoenix, Arizona area including the cities of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, and Mesa.