Yesterday, I was interviewed on live radio on ‘Living Fearlessly’ with Lisa McDonald. If you weren’t able to tune in live, you can listen to the podcast here.
I was introduced to Lisa by my friend Anastasia Goroshkova, an insightful, psychologically astute writer who blogs here as well as on Thrive Global here. The funny thing is that I agreed to be interviewed before I understood that I would be going live! I thought that it would be prerecorded. Once I learned the truth, it was too late; I was already too far along in the process. In retrospect I am grateful for this because it forced me to move through my fear of ‘going live.’
Before the interview, I prepared myself mentally reminding myself that people have built-in b******t detectors. The listening audience, I told myself, would immediately know whether I was being authentic, or not. Bearing this in mind, I spent the previous week searching deeply within myself. I spent time remembering the past—much of which I had buried. I thought about my life in several stages, with the marriage being one of those stages. I saw my life as a circle around whose circumference the stages followed each other chronologically, eventually coming full circle to my peaceful, quiet and non-dramatic life in Toronto, the city of my birth.
During the interview, even though my focus was on Lisa and her questions, I felt the presence of the listening audience (millions) who were listening. At one point, I felt, instinctively, intuitively, that they hung on every word I said. In spite of this burden, I continued to steadfastly speak my truth and reveal absolutely horrific details from my marriage.
Lisa McDonald, the host of ‘Living Fearlessly,’ guided me very well throughout the interview and spent time analyzing and explaining parts of my story. It was extremely helpful to have had this relaxed conversation with someone who, herself, had experienced abuse, worked with abused people, and understood the dynamics of diminishing a person to the point where, in her words, they become a ‘shadow’ in the relationship.
The good news is that we aren’t defined by the negative circumstances and experiences we live through. We are much more than the physical bodies we inhabit. We are also eternal souls that never cease to grow and are able to transform—as Lisa aptly said—darkness into light. This was one of the most important points I grasped from Lisa’s must-read book, #LivingFearlessly, Uplifting You to Fear Less and to Live More.
10 ‘Red Flags’ to Get Out of the Marriage/Relationship and Regain Your Self
- They don’t allow you to spend time with your parents, family or close friends.
- They try to isolate you from your tribe. (Similar to 1 above.)
- They do not hold down a job. (You must ignore all excuses in this regard.)
- They tell you how long your hair should be.
- They tell you what to wear.
- They tell you that you are fat and should eat less, but you feel hungry.
- They do not contribute financially to the marriage/relationship.
- They hide things from you; lie to you; and/or behave manipulatively.
- If your intuition/instinct is telling you something’s wrong, heed it.
- The people who love you warn you that this person is not for you.